Daughters of Promise November/December 2014 - Page 23

Jesus I need you. These are the words that have been playing on repeat in my head for the last 14 months. All my life I have been aware that I need Jesus, but the past year and a half has opened a whole new understanding of how dependent I am on Him. Even on my best days, I am fraught with inadequacy. I pass up opportunities to show love. I say hasty words. I entertain critical thoughts. On my own, I do not have what it takes to, as Ann Voskamp says, “live this one life well”. Yet, I praise God! Though the events of the past year have revealed my deep and startling limitations, they have also unveiled to me the completeness of Christ’s sufficiency. This past year, I made a big life transition and moved from my home of 17 years to a new community. Living far from family and lifelong friends has been more difficult than I anticipated. I came with expectations of a seamless transition and of doing this transplanting thing right, so I was shocked when, instead, I felt bowled over by the adjustments. I dreaded going to work at the God-gifted job I had moved for. Making new friends turned out to be really tough. My whole identity felt rearranged, and in the emotional upheaval of change, loneliness often kept me home, hiding in my room wishing someone would come find me. The thing about life, though, is that it doesn’t wait for us. I had to get up and keep going to work, paying bills, and managing a magazine. Many days I felt so emotionally raw that I could barely find the physical energy for my daily tasks. In the past, I met trouble with the support of close friends and my own mental toughness. This past year, those sentinels of strength were stripped from my life. I learned to reach out to Jesus more vulnerably than I ever have before. In the absence of people and situations to ease or distract me from the burdens, I learned to lay my heart before the Lord, telling Him my troubles, and crying out to Him for help. “Jesus, I need you!” became, and continues to be, my prayer. He heard my cries, and answered, often in the form of Scriptural promises: “I know your heart’s desires and will satisfy them. You are my beloved. If you walk with me, no harm with come to you. I will turn your night of sorrow into the morning of joy.” Affirmations of His good heart toward me brought hop