that is essential in a husband!’ Or, on the flip side, thinking about character qualities or lack thereof, that you don't want in a future spouse.
So I wrote both those things in the back of my journal, and sometimes I would write scripture verses next to them, like warnings from Proverbs, and just practical things. So then when it came to my courtship with Derick, I was able to pull my list out and ask him about these things.
And not just character qualities, but also ‘What do you believe about this, or what do you believe about that?’ So that was huge!
That was really helpful for me, even in focusing as a young girl. So when I saw someone, I would think, ‘That's not the right one for me,’ or ‘It's not God's timing,’ because they don't have those character qualities.
Now, you're not looking for somebody who’s perfect, but you're looking for somebody who’s aspiring to follow Christ and work in those areas.
Sometimes I would ask Derick a question about something when we were getting to know each other, and he may not have had the answer. I would say, ‘What do you think about this in Scripture?’ And maybe I didn't really know what I thought about it either and was still studying it, but I wanted to know where he stood. He might say, ‘I'm not sure. But I would like to research that.’ And that's okay! Jill laughed, "You don't want to marry somebody who is a know-it-all!”
A Sudden Surprise
I (Livy) asked,“When you chose to hand God the pen of your life, and allowed Him to write out His story for you and Derick, did you ever imagine that things would unfold the way they did?”
“Oh no, I was like totally surprised at what God did with our love story! You know, I've always imagined that I would probably know the guy for awhile, kind of get to know him, see how it works out, and then go from there. I thought we might live in the same area, or maybe he would be from somewhere far, but we would at least get to know each other for awhile. Well God had different plans there!” Jill laughed. “I told this to my friends too, who were like, ‘Are you crazy?! You're going across the world to meet this guy?!’”
Jill explained how she could see the benefits of their unique story, and how it helped her to grow on a personal level in her walk with God...
“I think it was very much beneficial that our relationship was different, because it forced me to ask
tough questions at the beginning, and not just get to know each other on a social level. What people do a lot of times these days is they just hang out and then yeah, maybe you get to see how they react at a basketball game or football game or something like that (which is important too), but you get to know each other then on a really surface level. And then when you think, ‘Hey, we might like each other,’ then you start deeper. But with Derick and I, I feel like it was God's protection; it was good that we were able to ask those tough questions from the get-go. I would encourage all young ladies in this. I had a friend the other day who said she's courting now, and was asking advice, and I said, ‘Communication!' Communicate. It's huge. But it's like throwing up; you feel horrible asking all these [hard] questions,” she laughs, “but you feel much better afterwards."
"So it's huge. You want to get those things out there. You don't want to wait three or six months down the road, get more connected, have more ties, and then realize, ‘Oh goodness, he doesn't believe the same way I do about this,’ or ‘We can't get married because of this or that,' or whatever, just because you finally got the guts to ask him those questions. So it’s good to communicate about those types of things early on.”
Life In the
Fish Bowl
Jill has been on reality TV for the majority of her life. Their family gets recognized nearly everywhere they go. When Jill's love story started to unfold, the world experienced it right along with her. For some of us, that can sound pretty scary! Imagine your first courtship relationship being broadcast on public television!
“What has it been like with your love story being so public?” I asked. “Is it a blessing to always be in the public eye or more of a burden?”
“We try to look at it as ministry opportunities,” Jill replied. “You do have to be on guard some of the time; you're not going to throw your pearls before swine as Scripture says. You want to make sure that