Jill adds another important tidbit: “And also getting to know him in an environment where he's spending a lot of time in already, whether that be with his family or otherwise, so that you're not only going on dates within the perfect environment or the perfect setting, but really seeing what he's like in real life situations, and spending time together with his family, or whatever that may look like.”
I ask a tough one: “So, let's say the guy lines up with all of your high, character quality expectations, you really like him, and think he might be someone you'd like to pursue a relationship with. Now what?”
Jessa laughs, “Well obviously we don't go propose to the guy. Hahaha!” She continues, “I think really, it's an attitude of wanting what is best for him. And sometimes it's difficult whenever you meet a guy and think, 'Wow he's a really good guy,' and you see a lot of character, there's a tendency to think, 'Well I deserve this.' Or, 'I want this relationship, so I'm going to make it happen on my own,' and not really trusting God in that area, like if you're trying to be flirtatious and trying to draw the person to yourself. I think really, what each one of our goals are within friendships with guys, is to challenge the guy through conversation and through how we act, to draw him to Jesus. And not to ourselves. But to encourage him to be the man that God wants him to be.
And it's interesting how through that, having meaningful conversations about God, when we're not constantly talking about ourselves and bragging about ourselves, but rather having a spiritual focus in those friendships, that is very attractive. If the guy is on fire for the Lord, and is a good Christian guy, that will be attractive to him."
Jill adds another golden nugget, “And for young ladies who are Christians, we can often ask, 'How am I ever going to find the right guy?' Well, turn that same standard of things that you want in a guy onto yourself, and purpose to become the kind of Godly girl that a Godly guy is looking for. Don't just hold to a high standard for the young man, but choose to be that for yourself as well.”
DREAMS, DESTINY AND FINDING YOUR PATH WITH THE LORD
Life can be complicated. Amidst all these relationships, and focusing on becoming the best version
of yourself for God's glory, we reach that age where we're supposed to answer the big question: WHAT am I going to do with my life?! So what advice do the Duggar girls have for their fellow sisters in Christ who are trying to find their path?
Jinger says, “Our parents have always encouraged us to look for ways to minister to others. Just not to have a self focus, but a servant's heart and mindset. That should be our first goal, to please the Lord in all things. He may call some people to go and work a 9 to 5 job, and be a light there. And others just to be a light wherever He has placed you, maybe inside your family, strengthening those relationships.”
Jessa adds, “Yeah, I think wherever the Lord leads, always try to be a blessing to those around you. Sometimes it can be hard when we're thinking, 'Well, I want to go to college, what do I want to do with my life, what kind of a degree do I want to get?' and I would say what my parents have always said to us, 'Gain as many life skills as you can right now.'
As young ladies, seek to do ministry opportunity, whether that's working at a soup kitchen, volunteering at a homeless shelter, going to nursing homes, or going on a missions trip. Do little things, even in your own community locally around you, to bless and benefit others, and God will lead you. He will guide you and direct you to where He wants you to be. For Jill right now, that's midwifery. She's in college, and she'll be finished next year. She'll be licensed as a midwife, and she wants to do missions work in a third world country if God would lead there someday.
And yeah, how she got started with that was when she was about fourteen or fifteen, being able to come alongside a friend who was doing something like that, and seeing how it works. Don't just jump into something and get a four-year degree in something you've never had experience with. Go and experience it, maybe you can do like an apprenticeship thing for a little bit or whatever, but find out a lot before you get started. I've heard a lot of my friends say, 'I think I might like this,' so they jump in and get a four-year degree and end up hating it! And they never even end up using it.