As a child, I was very observant, shy, sensitive and always felt that I was different from others: even as a child, I was very spiritual. Growing up when I wanted to be alone, I always ended up in the woods reflecting and embracing nature. Being around the ocean, woods, trees, flowers and the sky - I felt a sense of peace. Back then, I never thought too much about it or thought to put a label on something; as children we simply embrace and not judge.
I always treated others with love and kindness, but when someone hurt my feelings, it was like the world ended. I had reached a point where I truly believed that something was wrong with me. I thought I was weak and had no sense of courage. I would give into things because I didn’t want to disappoint others; I would go against my own feelings to appease everyone else. As adults, we know this is a form of the disease to please, but as a child we didn’t know any better. Doing this overtime, it became second nature and a habit that became an addiction.
At the age of eighteen, I was pregnant and got married. I was in a very abusive marriage which led me to, once again, appease someone else: my abuser. At twenty-two years old, I was a mother of three and a wife of a raging alcoholic. After ten years, I left that abusive marriage.
This is where my spiritual journey began. In 1997, I read a book called, The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck. From this book forward I read every philosophical book I could get my hands on: a journey towards self-discovery.
Then in 2001, I hit a bottom low. After the birth of my son in 1999, I became depressed. I started to experience physical pain and was tested for lupus, Fibromyalgia, Rheumatoid Arthritis and MS. Doctors couldn’t find anything wrong and I was diagnosed with having clinical depression. I was on anti-depressants and anxiety medication. I disliked the way it made me feel, so I went off everything and started to search within once again.
Through my own self healing, I discovered that I am an Empath. I ended up back on a spiritual self-discovery journey and started to think outside the box. I read an endless amount of information about different spiritual paths and jumped into creativity.
Self-healing became a daily ritual in my life and one I cannot live without. As an Empath, I had to learn that it is ok to take a step back from the outside world, to go within and nurture oneself. Today, I make it a point to honor my own sacred space and embrace time alone.
When I shared my story with others, I was told by quite a few people that I was having a spiritual detox. My battle with depression, physical pain and life experiences has led me to where I am today.
This spiritual journey that I have been on has helped me to walk the path that I was put on this earth to do: to be an energy healer and life coach. This journey that I have endured has led me towards my true path in life: to help and heal others, to care and love all people. But most of all, it has showed me the way to love myself.
Creative Soul Poetry
For The Love of Self