Using the Laws of Nature
to Get Over A Heart Break
Get help... You need empathy not sympathy... the painful feeling one gets when things do not go as expected. Never judge the size of the heartbreak on the size of the cause. My neighbour's cat died and their heartache was the exact depth as my client whose relationship crashed. Heartbreak is heartbreak, no matter what the trigger. But two heartbroken people do not make one better. You want to find someone to be a friend or supporter who does not have an emotional engagement with your loss, or be that person for someone in need. If you love cats and your friend's cat died, you can only offer sympathy which is fine but it actually can prolong the pain. What is needed to help people through heartbreak is empathy. Solid ground they can rely on that's not caught up in the pain.
Find a Substitute... You need to replace the thing that's lost as soon as possible. Whether it's a relationship or a cat or a job, the key to recovery is replacement. The vacuum that is left when there's an unexpected loss is the real cause of pain. The empty space, the hole, the lack of a companion, the break in routine. It's not always wise however to replace like with like. Sometimes it's better to replace a relationship with a sport, a holiday, a movie, a camera. Sometimes it's better to replace the loss with an icon, a picture or a plant. Activity based replacements are best. Internet based replacements are worst. Stay away from computers during heartbreak for as much of the day as possible. Sometimes TV is a help but really, getting outdoors is the key.
Get Outdoors in Nature... Heartbreak thrives indoors. Pain and suffering is harvested indoors. Grief multiplies in isolation. This isn't to suggest that you go down the pub, or go back to work straight away, but three hours spent walking in nature will do more for you than 24 hours locked up inside. Stay warm, keep dry, don't go doing hardy "hero" things. Just walk, look up, look out, look around. Nature is born to heal you, that's her thing. You need to put a lot of trust in the automatic and deep essence of nature at this time. Just be outside and get sunlight.
Don't go Too Far... Draw lines in the sand when it comes to your response to pain. Yes, it hurts, but there's no good can be achieved reacting to pain today in a way that's going to cause you additional pain, over and above the heartbreak, tomorrow. Getting pissed, saying bad things to others (especially the one who triggered your pain), thinking about self harm, sharing negative anger at the universe, it just doesn't help. Sure you feel angry, sure you feel like kicking a rubbish tin, sure you want a pain relief pill but there are none that will help you be a better you as a result of this situation. All those options that come to mind just make the pain last longer and screw up your next stage of life.
Focus on Healing... The cause of heartbreak is a sense of a shattered future. You were really connected with whatever went away, whether it was a job, money, a cat or your partner in life.