However, sometimes the problem isn’t
disconnection from me but it’s always some form
of disconnection. Feeling disconnected from a
best friend or sibling also causes the nasty feelings
that drive disrespectful behavior. Sometimes we
can help them mend those relationships or offer
timely advice, but most often what they need is
for us to see their pain, to listen to their experience
and show empathy and understanding.
Wait a minute. So, am I supposed to turn a blind
eye to disrespect and just offer hugs instead?
That’s not what I’m saying. Rude behavior should
be corrected. You have a right to hold to your
boundaries on how you will be treated.
However, what I am saying is that the fix for
disrespect is not in the consequences but in
the connection.
Punishment won’t solve this one. So, you can
say, “Hey, I won’t allow you to speak to me like
that. I understand that you’re upset but calling
me names is not okay.” You might even walk away
during a heated moment so that you don’t lose
your cool. Your ultimate goal, however, is not to
punish the behavior but to heal the heart. When
the heart feels better, the disrespect and defiance
will disappear. Children who feel better behave
better. It’s the best-kept secret in parenting.
Connection is the key!
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