Early in my positive parenting journey, I sought
out logical consequences to replace the time-outs I
had been using to no avail. This still ended up being
problematic because my focus remained on judging
and correcting behavior rather than looking at the
heart, but it was a first step in the right direction.
Sometimes the consequence was obvious, like the
time my son poured an entire bottle of baby wash into
the tub. He bought a new bottle out of his allowance,
and that seemed to me to be a logical consequence
for wasting. However, the answer wasn’t always
so simple. I couldn’t think of a logical consequence
for disrespect (defiant behavior, speaking rudely,
name-calling, etc.), so I often resorted to threats of
time-out in his room. Even though I knew this type
of punishment wasn’t helpful, I felt that I couldn’t
just let my son “get away with” being disrespectful
to me or anyone else. Still, I was at a loss as to how to
properly handle it.
Once I came to understand behavior as
communication, it was even clearer to me
that threats and arbitrary punishments were
not only useless in handling disrespect but
detrimental to it.
That kind of behavior (on my part) just drove a
bigger wedge in our relationship, and showing my
child disrespect is never helpful. If I want to really
create a culture of respect in my home, I have to give
it as much as I expect to receive it. Otherwise, I’m
not really living what I lecture.
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