Anyone who ’ s ever been criticized reacts in two ways : he will either slouch his shoulders and retreat into a defeated corner , or he ’ ll act out and become defiant . Criticism never leads to lasting change . When it comes to kids who are criticized , they often become so focused on how they ’ ve disappointed their parents , that they seldom remember the lesson .
But not only is criticism futile , “ Criticism is dangerous , because it wounds a person ’ s precious pride , hurts his sense of importance and arouses resentment ,” said Dale Carnegie in How to Win Friends and Influence People .
So why do we criticize our kids ? Many times it happens despite our best efforts . Differentiating criticism from discipline isn ’ t always easy . We discipline because our kids have done something wrong after all . Other times , though , it ’ s because we don ’ t have a better alternative . When our kids keep making the same mistake over and over , we become desperate for change and end up meeting force with more force . But there ’ s a more effective way to inspire change than through criticism . Here ’ s how .
1 . Seek to understand first . A much more effective way to inspire change is to try to understand your child before you condemn him . Once a child feels validated and heard , he will feel more inclined to listen because he won ’ t be on the defensive anymore .
My strong-willed 5-year-old used to go through phases of defiance . She would be cooperative and polite one minute , then enter a period of willful stubbornness and lashing out . So I used to feel the need to become more vocal in my corrections .
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