CRAFT by Under My Host® Issue No. 14 Sci-Fi & Fantasy - Page 51

Adam Watson Managing Member, Level 70 Wizard, and Lord of the Seven Texts at Against the Grain Brewery Sci-Fi Snacking: Citra Ass Down with DelishFish. The bright hops wash down the sticky fish-sugars and leave you wanting more of both. Would you rather get blind drunk with Worf or Chewbacca? Chewy for sure. Worf seems like he’d get all broody and sad when he gets drunk. Fuck that. Chewy would keep pace with the drinking, smash around the pit at a metal show, and tear the arms off anyone trying to mess with my passed-out personage. The Star Wars prequels, pretty good or dead to you? Every family has a dumb uncle. He’s that guy that still lives with grandma at 50 and just can’t seem to get his shit together. No job, no degree, no ambition. Hates working hard. Or working at all. Smells funny and always drinks the best beer in your fridge first then complains about it. You don’t have to like him, but he’s still family. I’m gonna assume you got the analogy. Are you a Kirk or an Ackbar? Ackbar all day. He’s smart, he’s calculating, he’s got the balls to realize that shit’s a trap, and still win the day. Here’s the kicker, though. After spanking all enemies and leading the Rebellion to victory, he retires to Mon Cala. Take my ass to a tropical planet, and let me hang with my beautiful squid- wife in my beautiful squid-house. What would you rather bring to a space fight a light saber or a bat’leth? If I’m trained, I’ll go lightsaber. If I’m untrained (and I am), then I’ll say bat’leth. Less capacity for auto-evisceration. Would you rather grab a drink at the Mos Eisley Cantina or Ten For- ward? Mos Eisely. Safety is overrated, and scum and villains are my people. Would you rather drink Blue milk or un-synthesized Romulan ale? I’m never down with weird milks. Let’s stick to the ale. Would you rather have The Force or Betazoid telepathy? The Force, but the real Force, not that midichlorian nonsense. Would you rather be C3PO or Data? Data. My wife would get real mad if I just had a glossy panel where there ought to be genitals. Who would you rather go to for wisdom, Yoda or Guinan? Master Yoda. I’ve seen Sister Act too many times to take Guinan seriously. Would you rather live the utopian future of the Federation or in the lawless uncertainty of the Star Wars galaxy? Star Wars without a doubt. Ugliness is necessary to appreciate beauty. Would you rather be held prisoner in a golden bikini at Jabba’s Pal- ace or by Kahn? I’ve already got the bikini, so I guess I’ll take Jabba. At least I get all the frogs I want, and Salacious B. Crumb is a laugh riot when you get a few scotches in him. © Hundred-to-One LLC 2017. All rights reserved.