ADVICE_______________________________________________________________________
kind; this may only put the so-called “nail in
the coffin” of your relationship. If you’re ego-
dystonic with cheating, you may only shame
yourself by your retribution.
8. Remember the good times. Try not to forget
the pleasant experiences you shared with your
partner. Waxing nostalgic sometimes
encourages a greater effort to save a
relationship.
9. The victimized spouse should never pursue
the partner’s lover. The idea is to de-
triangulate the lover not bring the lover deeper
into your relationship. The problem lies
between the two spouses and should be kept
there. Besides, confronting your partner’s
lover might prove to be dangerous.
10. Keep the lines of communication
open. Because our society seems to hold a
certain fascination with affairs, it’ll be hard to
escape the past. Television, movies, music and
even some random gossip will serve as
reminders of your trauma. It’s important for
each partner to remain patient and empathic,
and to continue to allow for productive
discussion on the topic as the need arises.
Repression may enable a festering of the
problem.
If you and your partner can successfully
negotiate these steps perhaps each of you will
forgive yourselves and one another for the
trauma of the affair. It won’t be easy—it’ll
take maximum effort on both sides to save
the relationship—and only the two of you can
decide whether it’s worth the effort or not.
You and your husband should have a clear and
honest conversation, listen and try to
understand why he was disloyal, be firm and
let him know that it can’t happen again.
May Allah make it easy for you. Aameen.
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