Cosmopolitan August 2018 - Page 95

than jumping into bed with someone who could be the next guy for her ( or not ), she hangs with friends and family . “ Now I ’ m comfortable with who I am , I know exactly what I want in a partner , and I know I ’ ll find him when the time is right .”
And that ’ s one potential perk of temporary celibacy , says Chantelle . “ You can use your time to build a healthy relationship with yourself and feel more confident in your choices and personal boundaries . These are skills that can be maintained and developed throughout your life .” The key , she says , is that you must make working on yourself the priority — identifying and addressing the source of any negative patterns in your sex life that you want to stop .
GETTING BACK AT IT
One of the biggest beliefs among ( re ) abstainers is that when you finally do have sex again — say , on your wedding night or after you ’ ve fallen in love with someone — it will be nothing less than magical . And , for a few women , that ’ s the truth . After Samira , 31 , agreed to a no-nookie relationship with her “ very religious ” now-husband , “ our wedding-night sex was mind-blowing ,” she says . “ The tension had built up over a 20-month relationship , and it all culminated in an unforgettable night .”
But ... it doesn ’ t go down
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that way for everyone . Take Aashna , 32 , a born-again virgin who first slept with her ex-fiancé , Prateek , after he proposed to her a year-anda-half into their relationship . “ There was no chemistry ,” she recalls . “ It was clumsy and awkward . I assumed that a great emotional connection would equate to a great sex life , but that wasn ’ t the case .” After six months of sex counselling and trying to make it work , Aashna called off the engagement .
MIND YOUR MOTIVE
Whether or not swearing off sex is a good idea for you depends entirely on your personal motivations . If , for example , you ’ re going cold turkey to make future between-the-sheets experiences hotter , proceed with caution . Doing so puts the wrong emphasis on how important penetrative sex should be in your relationships . “ It places intercourse on a pedestal above other sexual behaviours that are often more gratifying , like foreplay or direct clitoral stimulation ,” says Ian .
If , however , you want to clear your head , take things slow with a new partner , or course-correct destructive sexual patterns in your relationships , then deciding to abstain from sex could be a helpful experiment , says Ian . Just know that it can be
one way to accomplish these goals — not the only way . ■
CAN YOU ( RE ) VIRGINISE YOUR VAG ?
Nope . If you are young and healthy and take an extended penetration vacation , your vagina won ’ t shrink . “ The estrogen in your lower genital tract keeps your vagina lubricated and its skin and tissue supple ,” says ob-gyn and Cosmo US contributor Jennifer Ashton , MD . You likely won ’ t have any tearing or bleeding after your first time in a long time — and you can certainly still have a great orgasm ( just like you used to ).
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Ashley Graham than jumping into bed with someone who could be the next guy for her (or not), she hangs with friends and family. “Now I’m comfortable with who I am, I know exactly what I want in a partner, and I know I’ll find him when the time is right.” And that’s one potential perk of temporary celibacy, Miranda says Chantelle. “You can use Kerr your time to build a healthy relationship with yourself and feel more confident in your choices and personal boundaries. These are skills that can be maintained and developed throughout your life.” The key, she says, is that you must make working on yourself the priori x%Y[YZ[[Y\[B\Hو[HY]]H]\š[[\^YH][H[ X\BRSSTSUBUSPUUۙHوHY\[YY˜[[ۙ JXXZ[\\][[H[[H]H^YZ[%^Kۈ[\Y[›Y܈Y\[x&]H[[[ݙH]Y[ۙx%][H[\[XYX[ [ ܈H]Y[]8&\H] Y\[Z\KKYܙYYHB[][ۜ\]\8'\B[Y[\'HZ\ؘ[ '\Y[[Y^\›Z[ X[8'HH^\˂'H[[ۈYZ[\ݙ\H [[۝[][ۜ\ [][[Z[]Y[[[ܙ]XHY 'B] ]\۸&]ۂ]^H܈]\[ۙKZBX\K ̋HܛXYZ[\[\\]\^ YX[K]YZY\BY\HYX\X[ BKZ[[Z\[][ۜ\ '\H\[Z\K8'BHX[ˈ8']\[\B[]\ H\[YY]HܙX][[[ۘ[ۛX[ۂ[\]X]HHܙX]^YK]]\۸&]B\K'HY\^[۝ق^[[[[Z[›XZH]ܚX\H[YٙH[Y[Y[ XBZ[ZX\XZ\^B]\܈X\[›ٙ^\HYXH܂[H\[[\[Hۂ[\\ۘ[[]][ۜ˂Y܈^[\K[x&\B[\^HXZB]\H]Y[]K\Y]™^\Y[\\YY]]][ۋ[]Hܛۙ[\\\ۂ[\ܝ[[]]]B^[H[[\[][ۜ\ˈ8']X\š[\\HۈHY\[XݙH\^X[Z][\]\Hٝ[[ܙHܘ]YZ[ZHܙ\^H܈\X]ܘ[[][][ۋ8'H^\X[Y]\[H[˜X\[\XY ZH[œ]H]\\܂\KXܜX\X]B^X[]\[[\[][ۜ\[XY[XZ[H^[BH[[^\[Y[ ^\’X[\ۛ]][BۙH^HX\\\B[%HۛH^KԈSԑHԑPUԒQTTUS˒SSSBJUTSTBSTQ“KY[B\H[[[X[H[ZB[^[Y[]][ۂX][ۋ[\Y[H۸&][ˈ8'B\[[[\\[][XY\[\Y[BXX]Y[]œ[[\YB\K8'H^\›؋Y[[[•T۝X]܂[Y\\ۋQ [HZ[B۸&]]H[BX\[܈YY[˜Y\[\\[YB[Hۙ[Yx%[[H[\Z[B[]HHܙX]ܙ\H \ZB[H\YKUQT8" NSUSM