Cosmopolitan August 2018 - Page 90

love & lust How to Stop Comparing Your Relationship to Others Fresh POV: different doesn’t mean less sweet! By Esther Perel 90 COSMOPOLITAN AUGUST 2018 comparisons to twosomes you admire is perfectly natural, it can take a toll on your love life. Those curated images may leave you plagued by thoughts like, Why don’t my partner and I go on big adventures? even if you’ve never been interested in such excursions and your relationship is otherwise satisfying. Or if you’ve recently had a huge fight or been dumped, you may wonder, Am I the only one this has happened to?. This kind of thinking puts unwarranted stress on you and your partner. It can also make you feel lonely and singled out, when in reality, other people are experiencing the same thing as you are. FOR MORE GREAT STORIES, VISIT COSMO.IN To protect your head and heart from unhealthy judgments, try these five methods to squelch the romantic comparathon. FIND COMFORT WITHIN When you look to outside relationships to define or validate your own, it can be a sign that you’re lacking confidence in your current status. For instance, if you get the sense that everyone but you is suddenly coupled up, you may start to doubt your ability to find love, even when you’re not currently looking for it. Similarly, if your friends are getting engaged and you and your partner are T hanks to social media, you know more about other people’s love lives than ever before. You see photos of couples kissing, going on romantic dates and epic trips, and celebrating what appears to be the perfect union. Often, these posts are their own kind of fake news. You’re seeing only the good moments that someone has chosen to show. What you don’t see: the bickering, the blow-out arguments, or the boring nights spent at home. The same can be true IRL. Couples may show only a specific side of their life in public—usually, the happy one. That’s why, even though making