Cosmopolitan August 2018 - Page 100

only in cosmo

I spent the better part of my early 20s and teenage years concealing my hurt . I learned from the world around me that bad feelings were meant to be kept to yourself , no matter how real those feelings were . When I was unhappy , I locked myself in my bedroom so no-one would see me crumble . When I was outdoors , I plastered a smile on my face even though I was screaming on the inside . I tucked my pain away because I believed it was wrong , and that it meant that I was crazy . I craved nothing more than to fit in , to be ‘ whole and happy ’ like everyone around me seemed to be .
It wasn ’ t until very recently that I stopped hiding . Depression was exhausting enough already , without me choosing to wear a mask and spend all my time and energy concealing it . What was the worst that could happen ? I would be labelled different , but I was already different , so how did it really matter ?
So , I stopped . I began to be honest about why I wasn ’ t leaving the house , I started to tell people that I go to therapy and take anti-depressants to feel ‘ normal ’. And things got better . I was no longer focusing on trying to be someone I wasn ’ t , and I was able to look after myself . Things didn ’ t magically change though , and not everyone understood . Getting through a bad day was still an uphill climb , but the burden of pretense had been lifted from my shoulders and for the first time in my life , I was authentically me .
If I keep talking about this , I ’ m going to become the poster-child for everything sad , I grumbled to my mother . So what , darling ? my mother said . It ’ s a conversation that needs to be had . We need to talk about things that are real .
And that ’ s when I realised — one way or another , pain exists and not talking about it is never the answer . I can ’ t entirely control my depression , neither can I control the way people perceive me . All I can control is how I choose to look at depression myself , accept it and not be ashamed of who I am .
That ’ s when I realised that I ’ d much rather be real and ‘ broken ’ than artificial and ‘ whole ’, because good or bad , you should never be afraid of who you are .”

DEEPIKA PADUKONE , Actor

On surviving depression and anxiety . In March 2014 , Deepika Padukone was invited to the India Today Conclave to speak about her successful stint in Bollywood the year before . But not many people know that she was crying in her room minutes before she was to go on stage and speak about her fabulous life . Deepika had no clue she was depressed at the time . “ The morning of 15th Feb , 2014 , I woke up with a sick feeling in my stomach . On one hand , I was doing extremely well professionally , but on the other , I felt low , empty and directionless . The worst part was that I couldn ’ t
Deepika Padukone
understand what was happening to me . Waking up every morning had become a struggle . I was suffering from anxiety and depression . My parents ’ love and support encouraged me through those dark days and , their advice of seeking professional help at the time , paid off . As I began to read about and understand more about depression , I realised that there were millions of others like me ,” Deepika has been quoted on the website of the organisation she ’ s founded . And on New Year ’ s Day in 2015 , she decided to share her struggle with anxiety and depression with the world , hoping that “ this would
“ It ’ s something that ’ s extremely common , one in five adults has a mental illness , so basically everyone is essentially connected to this problem and this epidemic .” — DEMI LOVATO
“ I have such debilitating anxiety because of everything going on that I literally wake up in the middle of the night with full-on panic attacks . It ’ s hard not to get eaten alive by all the negativity .” — KENDALL JENNER
“ I promised myself I would not let exercise be the first thing to go by the wayside when I got busy with Girls Season 5 and here is why : it has helped me with my anxiety in ways I ’ ve never dreamed possible .”
— LENA DUNHAM
“ I went through a time where I was really depressed . Like , I locked myself in my room and my dad had to break my door down . It was a lot to do with , like , I had really bad skin , and I felt really bullied because of that .” — MILEY CYRUS
100 COSMOPOLITAN AUGUST 2018 FOR MORE GREAT STORIES , VISIT COSMO . IN
only in cosmo I spent the better part of my early 20s and teenage years concealing my hurt. I learned from the world around me that bad feelings were meant to be kept to yourself, no matter how real those feelings were. When I was unhappy, I locked myself in my bedroom so no-one would see me crumble. When I was outdoors, I plastered a smile on my face even though I was screaming on the inside. I tucked my pain away because I believed it was wrong, and that it meant that I was crazy. I craved nothing more than to fit in, to be ‘whole and happy’ like everyone around me seemed to be. It wasn’t until very recently that I stopped hiding. Depression was exhausting enough already, without me choosing to wear a mask and spend all my time and energy concealing it. What was the worst that could happen? I would be labelled different, but I was already different, so how did it really matter? So, I stopped. I began to be honest about why I wasn’t leaving the house, I started to tell people that I go to therapy and take anti-depressants to feel ‘normal’. And things got better. I was no longer focusing on trying to be someone I wasn’t, and I was able to look after myself. Things didn’t magically change though, and not everyone understood. Getting through a bad day was still an uphill climb, but the burden of pretense had been lifted from my shoulders and for the first time in my life, I was authentically me. If I keep talking about this, I’m going to become the poster-child for everything sad, I grumbled to my mother. So what, darling? my mother said. It’s a conversation that needs to be had. We need to talk about things that are real. And that’s when I realised—one way or another, pain exists and not talking about it is never the answer. I can’t entirely control my depression, neither can I control the way people perceive me. All I can control is how I choose to look at depression myself, accept it and not be ashamed of who I am. That’s when I realised that I’d much rather be real and ‘broken’ than artificial and ‘whole’, because good or bad, you should never be afraid of who you are.” DEEPIKA PADUKONE, Actor “It’s something that’s extremely common, one in five adults has a mental illness, so basically everyone is essentially connected to this problem and this epidemic.” “I have such debilitating anxiety because of everything going on that I literally wake up in the middle of the night with full-on panic attacks. It’s hard not to get eaten aliv HH[HY]]]K'H8'HZ\Y^\[H[]^\\HHH\[HB^\YH[H\H]\”X\ۈ H[\H\N]\š[YYH]^H[Y]H[^\’x&]H]\X[YYXK'B%SRHՐU8%SSST8%SHSSBL SUSUQT8" Nۈ\][™\\[ۈ[[Y]K[X\ M Y\ZBYZۙH\[]YH[XH^Bۘ]HXZX]\X\ٝ[[[]HYX\YܙK]X[H[Hۛ]H\ܞZ[[\HZ[]\YܙHB\ۈYH[XZX]\X[\›YKY\ZHYYBH\\\Y]B[YK8'H[ܛ[قM]X M HH\]HXY[[[^BXX ۈۙH[ B\[^[Y[H[ٙ\[ۘ[K]ۈB\H[[\H[Y\ZB\X[ۛ\ˈHܜYZۙB\\]H[&][\[]\\[[YKZ[\]\B[ܛ[YXYHHYKH\Y\[B[Y]H[\\[ۋ^H\[&HݙH[\ܝ[\YYYHYH\^\[ Z\YXHوYZ[ٙ\[ۘ[[]H[YKZYٙ\HY[XYX][[\[[ܙHX]\\[ۋHX[\Y]\H\HZ[[ۜو\›ZHYK8'HY\ZH\Y[][YۈHX]HقHܙ[\][ۈx&\[Y [ۈ]YX\&\^B[ MKHXYY\H\YH][Y]B[\\[ۈ]Hܛ []8'\[ԈSԑHԑPUԒQTTUS˒S'H[YH[YH\HH\œX[H\\Y ZKHY^\[[^HH[^HYYXZ^H܈ۋ]\H] ZKHYX[HY[[H[X[H[YYX]\Hق] 'H8%RSVHTT