We had some regular callers that usually just wanted someone to talk to and knew exactly which words to use to keep us on the line without giving us reason to send the police to their address. But you could never be sure. The worst calls were the ones who hung up abruptly, leaving you feeling lost, helpless and inadequate, wondering what you could have said differently or if you said something you shouldn't have. You wish you could turn back time and try again to engage the caller further, but that might have been their last call...... and you have to figure out how to let all of that worry/fear/anxiety in the pit of your stomach fizzle away before the next caller demands your full attention.
We also triaged people through face-to-face evaluations in hospitals, jails and private homes. You would think seeing clients face-to-face would make it much easier to help them, and often it did, but it also made it more real. When it's a voice on the other end of a phone line you can somewhat detach yourself in order to process the situation better, but when you have a real live human being in front of you hanging on by a thread, you have to keep your composure at all times.
My personal challenge...... when kids were involved. I was a big sister for Brothers and Sisters of America back in high school and I thought that was intimidating. This took it to a whole other level - about 5 more levels! I have always been good with kids, but what do you say to a seven year old you just met who thinks the world would be better off without them.........?
Prior to the helpline, I had very little experience with mental illness. In fact, the only event I can recall that affected me personally was when my cousin, who was several states away, attempted to commit suicide. I will never forget walking into the kitchen after volleyball practice and seeing the look on my mom's face. She had no idea how to tell me. at the time it felt like the whole world was crashing down. Someone in my family was struggling so much that life didn't seem worth living. I went through a range of emotions - scared, lost, helpless, angry, confused. I had no idea what my cousin was going through.
Thankfully medical intervention and mental health professionals were readily available for my cousin, but what about homeless people? What about the single parent trying to hold down a job to feed two kids with no insurance? How do people get the help they need to learn how to live with mental illness? Sure, some people can afford insurance or find a doctor who is willing to work with them financially. but the truth of the matter is that mental illness is generally seen by society as a moral issue, not a disability. People who struggle through every day life due to anxiety/depression/ptsd/bipolar disorder/etc are looked down upon or painted as simply not trying hard enough. I've heard so many judgmental phrases - "he is just lazy and needs to get a job"; "she could straighten up her life but she'd rather do drugs" - all emanating from the idea that mental illness is a choice. If you cannot afford medicine or counseling or doctor appointments what are you supposed to do? Where are you supposed to turn for help just getting through the day? Even if you manage to get insurance, even if you manage to trudge through all the paperwork and red tape, what if you are too anxious to walk into the doctor's office full of strangers who are gonna look at you like you are crazy? A lot of people turn to drugs. A lot of people try to hide. a lot of people lose everything, end up on the street corner holding a sign, strictly at the mercy of all the passers-by.