GARY WAS A GREAT LAWYER
After he gets in the car, Gary asks if I
know he’s been disbarred. I’d seen it
in the local legal periodical. As often
happens with lawyers and addiction,
some money due to his clients never
made it to them. State Bars take a
dim view of stealing from clients,
and addiction is no excuse. It’s a
surprisingly common story, and there’s
an unsurprisingly common explanation
from Gary. It’s all a big mistake, he
claims. He’s lost everything, but he’s
still in denial, still trying to cling to a
reputation that was far in the past
long before news of his disbarment
broke in the legal periodicals. I don’t
say anything in response to Gary’s
excuses. I understand. I was once full
of them.
He also tells me he’s sober and
working as an attorney — he’s licensed
in New York. I bite my tongue. Am I
ethically bound to say something about
his disbarment in Texas to the State
Bar of New York? I struggle with the
conflict between my view as a lawyer
and as a person in recovery. It’s not my
recovery. It’s his. I congratulate Gary
on the progress he’s made.
On the way to the transitional home, we
stop at a diner, and I buy Gary lunch.
We talk about nothing in particular.
We’ve previously spoken many times
of relapses, failed stints in rehab, going
to AA meetings together, and “one day
at a time.” What more can I say to him?
The feeling of helplessness so many
trying to help know so well.
I get a Facebook message from Gary.
The message is cheerful and includes
a photo of a plane ticket to Dallas for
the watch party.
Then, as I drop him off, he makes a
request. Just a few bucks, he says,
“until I get back on my feet.” For a few
months, it becomes our routine. The
bus stop. The drive. The excuses. The
money. I just listen to what Gary has
to say.
Then one day, he’s gone again. I give
him a call, and his voicemail is full
again. I worry. I check with the sober
house, and he’s no longer there. He’s
tested positive for drugs and has been
kicked out. He’s gone. Onto the streets.
July 2013: My cell phone rings. A
516 area code — Long Island, where
some of Gary’s family lives. It’s Gary.
He’s moved back home. Maybe he’s
thinking that returning to family and
roots will save him. I’d had the same
experience, if only instinctively, when I
moved from Pittsburgh to Dallas to live
with my brothers. If recovery were only
that simple.
November 2013: I recently appeared
on the Katie Show, a now off-the-air
talk show featuring Katie Couric, to talk
about my battle with body dysmorphic
disorder, and of course that includes
my recovery from addiction. I’m now
preparing for a “watch party” at a local
restaurant.
time for many like Gary, whether its
addiction, depression, or another
mental health challenge. One piece of
encouragement. One kind word. One
life empowering moment can light that
path up. Your friend, family member,
legal colleague, or fellow law student.
Find the words. They are waiting.
http://www.americanbar.org/groups/
lawyer_assistance.html
http://collegiaterecovery.org/programs/
http://www.aa.org/
http://www.smartrecovery.org/
http://www.celebraterecovery.com/
It’s the last time I hear from him.
The message comes from his ex-wife,
and the Google explosion of his name
tells the story. At age 54, Gary has
been fatally struck by a tractor trailer.
He was walking along the middle of
the highway when it happened. It’s
unknown whether he’d been drinking,
but it doesn’t matter. He’s gone. He
never “got it” in recovery. It’s not that he
didn’t want it. He tried. He tried every
day.
Gary’s struggles with drugs and alcohol
did not define who he was. He was a
lawyer, a friend, a husband, a sibling. In
his passing, he also helped me. I know
my recovery is only as good as today.
I also know that I can never stay silent
when I see someone struggling. Even
if the words are ultimately not heeded,
I need to find them. I need to educate
myself so that I can at least help light
up the dark path so many experience.
As we enter the holiday season
and we are giving thanks for all the
wonderful things in our lives, let’s also
be mindful that it is a dark, triggering
National Association of Consumer Bankruptcy Attorneys
Winter 2016
CONSUMER BANKRUPTCY JOURNAL
33