Connections Quarterly Winter 2014 - Integrity | Page 11

THE HONEST Y OF INTEGRIT Y • What are the costs of lying? How does it feel to be deceitful with parents / teachers? What are the chances of being caught? If caught, what will the punishment be? The greater the costs of lying, the greater the chances the truth will be told. • What are the benefits of telling the truth? Maintaining relationships with adults. Keeping some self-esteem. The closer a kid’s connections with adults and the greater the importance of self-esteem, the greater the chances the truth will be told. One calculation in question, even if subconscious, is this: if I tell the truth, to what extent will I lose, or retain, this adult’s love? The balance between perceived costs and perceived benefits is the greatest factor in adolescent lying, the pros tell us (see Darling et al., 2006; Bureau & Mageau, 2014). So adults who truly care about the frequency of honesty are obligated to think though the cost-benefit equation as carefully as possible, especially the role of relationship. What schools (and parents) want, of course, is honesty that is less manipulated by the above circumstances. We want an honesty that emanates from the quality of the individual. This depends on the extent to which a young person internalizes the value of honesty. Honesty Value Factor In research, the honesty value is the extent to which young people are intrinsically motivated to act truthfully. Educators hope that honesty emerges because students value truthfulness and want to be seen, and to see themselves, as people of integrity. How can adults catalyze this kind of growth? The best research we have comes from the work of Diana Baumrind (2009) on authoritative parenting, referring to parents who balance high standards and high demands with high levels of nurturance and love. The children of authoritative parents tell the truth more often than others. More specific details are outlined in Darling Continues on page 10 CSEE Connections Winter 2014 Page 9