Connections Jan 2015 - Page 38

drama-free. Why can’t she see this? I sighed, and then wondered if I really am that sad? I don’t feel that sad. You would think that the hell I went through in my last relationship would warrant a get-out-of-jail-free car d when it came to such conversations. I mean, it isn’t as if I kept any aspect of that abuse secret, especially after I left him. Everyone knows about the beatings I took, the verbal attacks I suffered through on a daily basis. Yeah, I tried to hide them, but people knew. My many trips to the E.R. were a dead giveaway. Even his parents knew what he was doing to me. His mother rushed me to the hospital one night when he sliced open my leg with a knife because I wasn’t getting ready to leave fast enough. That was all the help I got from them. The entire way to the hospital, his mother begged me not to press charges. Later that night, he gave me a black eye because his dad chewed his ass over what he had done to me. Not to mention the fact that my sister and my best friend Crystal are extremely observant people. I can’t count the number of times they called the police on my ex when I wouldn’t. They weren’t here every time he put me down, told me I was worthless, criticized everything I did, shoved tooth picks into my arm, burned the tips of my toes with a lighter because I let my toe nails grow too long, the days I went without food because he said I was getting too fat or the days he did nothing but shove food down my throat because I was too skinny. They weren’t here for many things, but he didn’t hide who he was either. Although no one but me will ever know how bad he tortured me, and I mean that in the most literal of senses, they were still privy to many things. What amazes me is that they couldn’t figure out why I stayed. I mean it was obvious…wasn’t it? Fear. I knew if I had left that man, he would have killed me, or someone else I hold dear, and I couldn’t have that. The second thing that amazes me is that they think it should be easy for me to find another man, to trust another person in my life after that. I don’t know that I could ever do it again. I’m aware of how damaged I am because of that man. I’m trying to be better, trying to work through my issues. He put all the fucked up thoughts that run through my head on a daily basis there. I