day of school. That’s as far as my mind would let
me go. It was a point in the future so distant I
couldn’t conceive of anything beyond it.
But now we are here, and it’s a good thing, and
she’s having a brilliant time. I can’t help but feel I
have lost something - influence? a friend? or is it
that freedom to do as we please every day? Her
little brother and I still have that freedom, but
doing things without her feels wrong somehow
- how can I tell her we’re going to her favourite
playgroup while she’s at school? Does she realise
the sacred, intimate world of toddlers continues
now she has left it, and that I, secretly, guiltily,
quietly, might quite enjoy inhabiting it with just
one nose to wipe, one set of snacks and spare
clothes in my handbag, just one hand to hold, for
a little while each day.
Written by Poppy O’Neill
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