Compassionate Integrity Training Final CIT training manual 11-30 - Page 91

Compa ssionate Integrit y Tr a ining A S e cu l a r Ethic s Appr oa c h to C ulti vat ing Pe rs on al, S o ci al and E n vir on me n tal F lo u r i shing A lthough forgiveness and gratitude are part of Forgiveness has been shown to be very beneficial to our Series II “Relating to Others,” they are both own well-being and can promote better relationships with also acts of self-compassion. others, yet it is often so hard to find. That is why it can be helpful to learn strategies for cultivating forgiveness. One strategy is to try and separate the actor from the Understanding Forgiveness action. We make this distinction for ourselves all the time. Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves. Through the process We do something wrong to someone. When we recognize of forgiveness, we release and let go of pain and resentment, which only serve to negatively impact our own psychological and physical well-being while doing nothing to affect the condemn ourselves forever for each and every mistake we have ever made, nor do we quickly reach the conclusion that transgressor. 62 It is important to understand that forgiveness we are an evil person. Similarly, if we examine someone to is not forgetting. Sometimes it is not possible or even whom we feel anger or resentment, we may recognize that beneficial to forget what happened in the past. Forgiveness we are failing to extend the same understanding toward is also not condoning, because it does not mean that the them. Are they necessarily evil or a bad person because harm that was done is justified or was right in any way. they made a mistake or did something harmful? Are we Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation either; it does condemning them more harshly than we would ourselves not imply that there will be a new positive relationship between ourselves and the person who transgressed against us. Forgiveness is also not a sign of weakness or an excuse this wrongdoing, we may apologize, but we tend not to or those we love? Have we lost sight of our common humanity with them? to allow someone to continue abusing us. Rather, many If so, we may employ another strategy, which is to focus find the key to forgiveness to lie in releasing internal anger on our common humanity. When we have a lot of anger or and hurt, accepting what has happened and mov