Compassionate Integrity Training CIT-Faciltator-Guide-2.1-Final | Page 30

C OMPASSIONATE I NTEGRITY T RAINING
A S ECULAR E THICS A PPROACH TO C ULTIVATING P ERSONAL , S OCIAL AND E NVIRONMENTAL F LOURISHING
V.
Be aware of your self-talk.
We all have internal dialogue with which we relate to ourselves in our own minds. Such
dialogue can make a real difference in our ability to develop a skill or change a behavior, so
attending to it is important. Actively work to change negative self-talk as it arises. For instance,
if the thought arises “I am not good enough to do/be/have X”, you can construct a memorable
phrase that is more aligned with reality or equally possible such as “I can do this.” Or, if the
thought arises, “This is hard work”, look for the positive component in the change process and
replace the thought with something like “I’m enjoying this new perspective” if the new
thought or phrase is authentic and honest for you. In other words, we are not trying to talk
ourselves into something we don’t believe when we attempt to change our self-talk; we are
considering a perspective that may be equally true and one we authentically want to build.
VI.
Use the SMART acronym when developing commitments or goals.
S - Specific
Is the commitment you are making specific enough?
M – Measurable
How can you measure it?
A – Achievable
Is it achievable or realistic?
R - Relevant
Is it relevant to really moving you forward?
T – Time-bound
Exactly when will you do it?
VII.
Getting the support you need.
Consider the contexts in which you live and determine which relationships need to be nurtured
to support the change you want to make. For instance, what exactly do you need from the
people closest to you in order to make the change or reach your goal? Also, do you need to grow
your support team? If you realize you may have a diagnosable condition (depression or
attention deficit disorder for example) that affects your behavior, you might consider
contacting a medical expert to get additional help you may need.
VIII.
Maintain a coaching – not a counseling -- model in your sessions.
Although these coaching sessions are not Mindful Dialogues, the same principles should apply.
Remember to be totally present for the other person, try not to ask questions that lead the
conversation away from where your partner needs it to go, do not give unsolicited advice, and
maintain strict confidentiality. It is best to stick to the questions on the template and refrain
from any effort to analyze your partner, determine the root cause of her behavior, diagnose, or
give advice.
C ENTER FOR C OMPASSION , I NTEGRITY AND S ECULAR E THICS | L IFE U NIVERSITY | M ARIETTA , G EORGIA
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