COMMUNICATION: How To Flirt, Start Conversations And Keep Them Going? In Depth Guide to Approaching, Flirting and Dating | Page 64
At the risk of rejection, this is the moment when
you must be explicit about your wishes. Subtle
hints and positive body-language will help you to
get to this point, and careful observation of your
partner's reactions will tell you whether your
'closing' is likely to be successful, but these
techniques cannot, by themselves, get you a phone
number or a date! You have to ask. And the most
effective strategy is simple honesty. You don't
have to declare undying love, just ask: "Would
you like to meet for a drink sometime next week?"
(or some equivalent, the exact words are
unimportant, but it must a be a clear request). If
making a date on the spot would be awkward or
inappropriate, say something like: "Perhaps we
could meet again sometime – could I have your
phone number?"
Some American 'dating manuals' recommend that
you precede this request with a statement such as
"I've really enjoyed talking with you and I'd like to
see you again". You are welcome to do this if you
wish, but it would seem to be already implicit in
the request for a date or phone number, and
therefore somewhat superfluous.
Dating manuals and articles in glossy women's magazines also constantly insist that it is perfectly acceptable
nowadays for women to take the initiative in asking men out. In fact, they never fail to exclaim, men love it when
women take the initiative. This is quite true, and if you read the more scientific research on the subject, you will find
out why. The studies and experiments show that men perceive women who take the initiative in asking a man out as
more sexually available. To put it more bluntly, if a woman asks them out, they think they have a better chance of
'scoring'. Naturally, they are delighted.
If you are female, and wish to avoid giving this impression, there is a
simple solution. Instead of asking for his phone number, offer your own.
Say something like: "Maybe we could have a drink sometime? – here's
my number". This makes it perfectly clear that you are interested, but
still requires the man to take the initiative in asking for a date.
You are of course free to dismiss this suggestion as hopelessly oldfashioned, sexist, pandering to double-standards, etc. It is not the place
of this Guide to make moral judgements about flirting, merely to provide
information on the latest scientific findings. Flirting has been part of
human behaviour for thousands of years, and whether we approve or
not, the latest findings show that not much has changed. Males have
always tended towards an over-optimistic interpretation of female
signals, and females have always adjusted their signals to encourage
only selected males.
Despite the disapproval of 17th-century Puritans, Victorian moralists
and their modern equivalents in both the 'moral majority' and 'political
correctness' camps, these basic flirting instincts persist, and the human species survives.