COMMUNICATION: How To Flirt, Start Conversations And Keep Them Going? In Depth Guide to Approaching, Flirting and Dating | Page 62

Women should be aware that men tend to interpret disclosure of personal information as a sign of sexual availability,
and be particularly careful about how much they reveal.

Humour
Humour is a powerful flirting tool. It is almost impossible to
flirt successfully or enjoyably without it, and yet it can easily
backfire if abused or misused.
On the positive side, studies have shown that people who use
humour in social encounters are perceived as more likeable,
and that both trust and attraction increase when a light-hearted
approach is used. Judicious use of humour can reduce anxiety
and establish a relaxed mood which helps a relationship to
develop more rapidly. A slightly risqué joke can help to
escalate the level of intimacy in a flirtatious conversation.
On the negative side, inappropriate use of humour can kill a
promising flirtation stone dead in a matter of seconds. Making
a risqué joke or comment too early, for example, before a
reasonable degree of intimacy has been established, is the
verbal equivalent of a bum-pinch. Men are generally more
likely to make this kind of fatal mistake than women. Women,
however, need to be even more cautious in their use of sexual
humour, as men will be inclined to interpret this as a sign of
sexual availability.
While it is clearly important to avoid causing offence or giving
misleading signals, humour is an essential element of flirtation.
Flirting is by definition a light-hearted, playful form of
interaction. A flirtatious encounter may eventually lead to a
'serious', long-term relationship, but too much seriousness in
the early stages is off-putting. Even in the longer term, a
capacity for light-hearted playfulness is important. It is no accident that so many single people seeking partners
through the personal ads include 'gsoh' (good sense of humour) in their requirements.
Humour can clearly help to reduce tension and awkwardness in the early stages of a flirtatious encounter. In the
section on opening lines, we advised the use of phrases which are universally recognised as 'conversation-starters',
such as comments on the weather. A touch of humour can make these openers even more effective. There is no need
for elaborate attempts at wit: a simple twist such as "Lovely day, isn't it?" during a torrential downpour will raise a
smile if your target finds you attractive. (If your target does not find you attractive, more elaborate efforts will be no
more effective.)
Once some degree of mutual attraction has been
established, the use of humour in flirtatious
conversations tends to come naturally, as both parties
are motivated to keep their target amused and
interested. Our natural instinct is to try to make the
other person smile. We need constant reassurance that
we are liked and appreciated by the object of our
attraction, and smiles and laughter provide that
reassurance.
One particular form of humour, playful teasing, is
particularly common in flirtatious encounters. This is
because playful teasing allows partners to increase the
'personal' content of the exchange, while keeping the
tone light-hearted and non-serious, thus escalating the