COMMUNICATION: How To Flirt, Start Conversations And Keep Them Going? In Depth Guide to Approaching, Flirting and Dating | Page 57

Opening lines
When the subject of flirting comes up, most people seem to be obsessed with
the issue of 'opening lines' or 'chat-up lines'. Men talk about lines that work
and lines that have failed; women laugh about men's use of hackneyed or
awkward opening lines, and all of us, whether we admit it or not, would like
to find the perfect, original, creative way to strike up a conversation with
someone we find attractive.
The answer, perhaps surprisingly, is that your opening line is really not very
important, and all this striving for originality and wit is a wasted effort. The
fact is that conversational 'openers' are rarely original, witty or elegant, and
no-one expects them to be so. The best 'openers' are, quite simply, those
which can easily be recognised as 'openers' – as attempts to start a
conversation.
The traditional British comment on the weather ("Nice day, isn't it?" or
"Doesn't feel much like summer, eh?", etc.) will do just fine, as everyone knows that it is a conversation-starter. The
fact that these comments are phrased as questions, or with a
rising 'interrogative' intonation, does not mean that the
speaker is unsure about the quality of the weather and
requires confirmation: it means that the speaker is inviting a
response in order to start a conversation.
In Britain, it is universally understood that such weathercomments have nothing to do with the weather, and they are
universally accepted as conversation-starters. Saying
"Lovely day, isn't it?" (or a rainy-day equivalent) is the
British way of saying "I'd like to talk to you; will you talk to
me?"
A friendly response , including positive body language,
means "Yes, I'll talk to you"; a monosyllabic response
(accompanied by body-language signalling lack of interest)
means "No, I don't want to talk to you", and no verbal
response at all, with body language signalling annoyance or
dislike, means "Shut up and go away".
If you are indoors – say at a party or in a bar – and nowhere
near a window, some equally innocuous general comment on
your surroundings ("Bit crowded, isn't it?", "Not very lively
here tonight, eh?") or on the food, drink, music, etc., will serve much the same
purpose as the conventional weather-comment. The words are really quite
unimportant, and there is no point in striving to be witty or amusing: just make a
vague, impersonal comment, either phrased as a question or with a rising
intonation as though you were asking a question.
This formula – the impersonal interrogative comment – has evolved as the
standard method of initiating conversation with strangers because it is extremely
effective. The non-personal nature of the comment makes it unthreatening and
non-intrusive; the interrogative (questioning) tone or 'isn't it?' ending invites a
response, but is not as demanding as a direct or open question.
There is a big difference between an interrogative comment such as "Terrible
weather, eh?" and a direct, open question such as "What do you think of this
weather?". The direct question demands and requires a reply, the interrogative
comment allows the other person to respond minimally, or not respond at all, if
he or she does not wish to talk to you.