COMMUNICATION: How To Flirt, Start Conversations And Keep Them Going? In Depth Guide to Approaching, Flirting and Dating | Page 55

expressions of displeasure or anxiety – you might as well give up now. Unless your companion is exceptionally shy
and reserved, negative reactions to a simple arm-touch probably indicate dislike or distrust.
If your companion finds you likeable or attractive, a brief arm-touch should prompt some reciprocal increase in
intimacy. This may not be as obvious as a return of your arm-touch, but watch for other positive body-language
signals, such as increased eye-contact, moving closer to you, more open posture or postural echo, more smiling, etc.
Your arm-touch may even prompt an increase in verbal intimacy, so listen for any disclosure of personal information,
or more personal questions.
If you see or hear signs of a positive reaction to your arm-touch, you can, after a reasonable interval, try another armtouch, this time slightly less fleeting. If this results in a further escalation of verbal or non-verbal intimacy from your
companion, you might consider moving to the next stage: a hand-touch.
Remember that a hand-touch, unless it is the conventional handshake of greeting or parting, is much more personal
than an arm-touch. By touching your companion's hand, you are opening negotiations towards a higher degree of
intimacy, so keep it light and brief: a question, not an order.
A negative reaction to your hand-touch, such as the non-verbal signals of displeasure or anxiety mentioned above,
does not necessarily mean that your companion dislikes you, but it is a clear indication that your attempt to advance to
the next level of intimacy is either premature or unwelcome. A very positive reaction, involving a significant increase
in verbal or non-verbal intimacy, can be taken as permission to try another hand-touch at an appropriate moment.
Highly positive reactions to a second hand-touch – such as a definite and unambiguous attempt to move closer to you,
reciprocal arm- and hand-touching, along with significantly more personal questions, more disclosure of personal
information and more expression of emotion – can be taken as permission to proceed, with caution, to a higher level
of intimacy. The next stages might involve a hand-squeeze or hand-hold, repeated twice before moving on to an arm
over the shoulders, or perhaps a brief knee-touch. (Males should note, however, that positive reactions to any of these
touches can not be taken as permission to grope.)
You will have noticed that we advise performing each touch two times before progressing to the next level. This is
because repeating the same touch, perhaps with a slightly longer duration, allows you to check that reactions are still
positive, that you were not mistaken in your judgement that the touch was acceptable. The repetition also tells your
companion that the first touch was not accidental or unconscious, that you are consciously negotiating for an increase
in intimacy. Repeating the same touch before moving to the next level is a non-verbal way of saying "Are you sure?".

Vocal signals
You may be surprised to see this heading in the 'Non-verbal flirting' section, but
'verbal' means 'words' and vocal signals such as tone of voice, pitch, volume,
speed of speech, etc. are like body-language in that they are not about what you
say, the words you use, but about how you say it.
We noted at the beginning of this 'non-verbal' section that people's first
impressions of you are based 55% on your appearance and body language, 38%
on your style of speaking and only 7% on what you actually say. In other words,
body-language may be your most important 'flirting tool', but vocal signals come
a very close second. The more you think about that 38%, the more concerned
you will be to ensure that your vocal signals make the best possible impression.
An ability to 'read' the vocal signals of the person you are flirting with will also
help you to find out how he or she really feels about you.
Attraction and interest, for example, are communicated much more by the tone
of voice than by what is actually said. Depending on the tone, volume, speed and
pitch, even a simple phrase such as "Good evening" can convey anything from
"Wow, you're gorgeous" to "I find you totally uninteresting and I'm looking for
an excuse to get away from you as quickly as possible".
If your target gives you a deep-toned, low pitched, slow, drawn-out "Good