COMMUNICATION: How To Flirt, Start Conversations And Keep Them Going? In Depth Guide to Approaching, Flirting and Dating | Page 47
Gestures
As well as overall body posture, the gestures we use
can signal interest, attraction and invitation – or
discomfort, dislike and rejection.
When flirting, it is important to be aware of these nonverbal cues, both in 'reading' your partner's bodylanguage and in controlling the messages you are
sending with your own gestures.
In conversation, gestures are mainly used to enliven,
clarify and 'punctuate' our speech, or to show
responsiveness to what the other person is saying. In a
flirtatious encounter, the amount of gesticulation, the
directions of the gestures and the co-ordination of
gestures can indicate the degree of interest and
involvement your partner feels towards you.
Different cultures vary widely in the amount of
gesticulation that accompanies their speech (Italians
say that you can silence an Italian by tying his hands
behind his back), and even within a single culture,
some people naturally express themselves more
through gestures than others. Generally, however,
someone who is interested in you will be more lively
and animated in conversation, using more gestures
when speaking in order to keep your attention, and
more responsive gestures to show interest when you
are speaking.
Similarly, you can signal interest in your partner, and keep
his/her attention focused on you, by enhancing your speech with
appropriate gestures: shifting your hands or head slightly at the
end of sentences, using downward hand movements to
emphasise a point, 'projecting' what you are saying towards your
partner by open-palm hand movements and so on. When your
partner is speaking, you can show responsiveness by nodding in
agreement, throwing up your hands in surprise, bringing them
together in a 'silent clap' of appreciation, etc.
Researchers have found that nodding can be used to 'regulate'
conversations. If you make single, brief nods while your partner
is speaking, these act as simple signs of attentiveness, which will
maintain the flow of communication from the speaker. Double
nods will change the rate at which the other person speaks,
usually speeding up the flow, while triple nods or single, slow
nods often interrupt the flow altogether, confusing speakers so
much that they stop in their tracks. So, if you want to express
interest and keep your partner chatting with you, stick to brief
single nods.
You can also watch for gestures which indicate anxiety and
nervousness, such as hand-clasping movements and palmrubbing. As a general rule, anxious gestures are directed towards
the anxious person's own body (known as 'proximal'
movements), while 'distal' movements, directed away from the
body, are a sign of confidence. As well as watching for these