COMMUNICATION: How To Flirt, Start Conversations And Keep Them Going? In Depth Guide to Approaching, Flirting and Dating | Page 43

Eye contact – looking directly into the eyes of another person – is such a powerful, emotionally loaded act of
communication that we normally restrict it to very brief glances. Prolonged eye contact between two people indicates
intense emotion, and is either an act of love or an act of hostility. It is so disturbing that in normal social encounters,
we avoid eye contacts of more than one second. Among a crowd of strangers in a public setting, eye contacts will
generally last only a fraction of second, and most people will avoid making any eye contact at all.

This is very good news for anyone wishing to initiate a flirtation with an attractive stranger. Even from across a
crowded room at a party, you can signal your interest in someone merely by making eye contact and attempting to
hold your target's gaze for more than one second (not too much more, though, or you will seem threatening). If your
target maintains eye contact with you for more than one second, the chances are that he/she might return your interest.
If after this initial contact, your target looks away briefly and then looks back to meet your gaze a second time, you
can safely assume that he/she is interested. If these eye contacts trigger a smile, you can approach your target with
some confidence.
If, on the other hand, your target avoids making eye
contact with you, or looks away after a fraction of a
second and does not look back again, you should
probably assume that your interest is not returned.
There is still the possibility that your target is just a
very shy person – and some females may be
understandably wary of signalling any interest in male
strangers. The only way to find out is by close
observation of your target's behaviour towards others.
Does she consistently avoid direct eye-contact with
men? Does he seem nervous, anxious or aloof in his
interactions with other women? If so, your target's
reluctance to meet your gaze may be nothing personal,
and it might be worth approaching, but only with
considerable caution.
Once you have approached your target, you will need to make eye contact again in order to strike up a conversation.
As soon as your eyes meet, you may begin to speak. Once a conversation begins, it is normal for eye contact to be
broken as the speaker looks away. In conversations, the person who is speaking looks away more than the person who
is listening, and turn-taking is governed by a characteristic pattern of looking, eye contact and looking away.
So, to signal that you have finished speaking and invite a response, you then look back at your target again. To show
interest while your target is speaking, you need to look at his/her face about three-quarters of the time, in glances
lasting between one and seven seconds. The person speaking will normally look at you for less than half this time, and