COMMUNICATION: How To Flirt, Start Conversations And Keep Them Going? In Depth Guide to Approaching, Flirting and Dating | Page 41

'Flirting with intent'
But flirting is also an essential element of the mate-selection process, and when you are 'flirting with intent', rather
than just 'flirting for fun', you need to be a bit more selective about your choice of target.
In mate-selection flirting, there are two basic rules about who to flirt with that will increase your chances of success
and reduce the likelihood of embarrassing rejections.
1. Do initiate flirtation with people of roughly the same level of attractiveness as yourself
This will give you the best chance of compatability. Most successful marriages and long-term relationships are
between partners of more or less equal good looks. There is some leeway, of course, and other qualities are also
important, but statistically, relationships where one partner is much more attractive than the other tend to be less
successful. Studies have shown that the more evenly matched partners are in their attractiveness, the more likely they
are to stay together.
But evaluating your own attractiveness may be difficult. Research has shown that many women have a poor bodyimage, and often underestimate their attractiveness. Some recent studies indicate, for example, that up to 80% of adult
women believe that they are too fat, and try to achieve a figure that is around two sizes smaller than the body-size
men find most desirable. If you are female, the odds are that you are more attractive than you think, so try flirting with
some better-looking men.
Men generally tend to be less critical of their own physical appearance than women. This is partly because standards
of beauty for males are much less rigid than for females, and a wider variety of shapes and features are considered
attractive. But it must be said that some men are also inclined to overestimate their attractiveness. If you are a more
honest male, and do not consider yourself good-looking, remember that most men lack expertise in the subtleties of
social interaction, so polishing up your flirting skills could give you the edge over a more attractive rival.
2. Don't flirt with people who are unlikely to return your interest.
Even if you are not looking for a long-term mate, you
will enjoy flirting more with someone who is
interested in you. So it makes sense to approach
people who are likely to see you as at least a possible
partner, rather than those likely to dismiss you as
unsuitable.
Evolution has favoured males who select young,
attractive mates and females who select partners with
power, wealth and status. Men therefore naturally
tend to seek women who are younger than them and
place greater emphasis on physical beauty, while
women are more likely to favour older males with
higher status and earning potential. Women also tend
to prefer men who are taller than them. Analysis of
thousands of personal ads – where people are more
explicit about their requirements, and more obviously
conscious of the requirements of others – shows that
these are the qualities most frequently demanded and
offered by mate-seekers.
Short, low-status males and older, less attractive
females may therefore be a bit more restricted in their
choice of potential partners, although there are many
exceptions to this rule, and confidence and charm can outweigh apparent disadvantages.
In the How to Flirt section, you will find tips on how to tell immediately, even from across a crowded room, whether
someone is likely to return your interest or not.