Collin County Living Well Magazine Winter 2015 | Page 27

Teach Your
Children Well

By Rick Allen

N

othing makes a parent more proud than to
hear someone else brag on your kid. Typically, a parent’s response is something like, “Are
you sure we are talking about the right kid?”
As we all know, behavior is often different at
home than it is when they are out on their own and, thank
goodness, most of them mind their p’s and q’s and wind up
making us proud.
As I grow older and watch our children and their friends
grow up and mature, I have to wonder if there is something
we could be learning from them. Because my days are filled
with exposure to events surrounding death, grieving families and funeral tributes, I have the opportunity to observe
people who are often experiencing the worst thing that may
happen to them in their entire life. I have always felt that
adversity brings out the very best or, unfortunately, the very
worst in people. While I sometimes have to shake my head
at the worst, I equally stand in amazement at some of the
wonderful people who are poised, full of grace, loving and
caring with one another––even in difficult times.
Something that has been most striking to me about common behaviors I am witnessing recently is how the younger
generations are responding when one of their peers has
died. Unfortunately, most of the time when a younger person has died, it is due to an accident or an incident that
has been acute in its onset. Shock, which is a common part
of the grieving experience, is very obviously present and
the denial that a death has occurred could easily overcome
someone who is not yet a mature adult. It has been a common practice for many years to suggest allowing those who
are grieving an opportunity to see their friend one last time
at an open casket event such as a visitation at the funeral

home or at least having the casket open prior to funeral
services for viewing. However, over the course of the past
15 years or so, a trend has been emerging and people are
often foregoing the viewing altogether.
My personal opinion is that in an attempt to deal with
grief, those who want to have the least exposure to it
are actually only prolonging their grief. It appears as if
the logic is that “if we ignore it, it will go away.” What
I am actually witnessing is quite an opposite response to
death and grief by the younger generation. When a peer
has died, the surviving friends actually want to see that
person to say good-bye. They do not seem to be fearful or
turned off by viewing the body of a friend who has died,
but rather appear to find comfort and closure, just as the
experience is designed to offer. What is really interesting
about this attitude toward the viewing experience is that
it is a full circle back to what the grandparents of this
generation found to be commonplace regarding funeral
tributes. It is as if the viewing custom skipped a generation
for one reason or another.
Having witnessed this desire for a viewing opportunity
in the younger generation, I have to ask myself how this
has occurred. Obviously, they have not been taught it
by parents who have trended to the complete opposite
attitude and most will not remember the customs of their
grandparents. So, I have to assume that it is something
thought through and decided as being relevant by this
younger generation. If that is indeed the case, do we,
as older adults, need to look to the younger ones for
advice on how to deal with grief and loss in a healthier
way? Quite possibly so. I always encourage people to
listen to their inner self. Follow your instinct and do not
be afraid to go against what you have been taught as
being normal.

Rick Allen is the owner of Allen Family Funeral Options. Visit their website at
affoplano.com or give them a call at 972-596-8200.
COLLIN COUNTY Living Well Magazine | WINTER 2015

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