Middle Age Musings
Summer Bummer
Dear Dr . Stanwix , Another summer is upon us and another season of problems for my wife and myself . My wife is a teacher and she has the summers off . In fact , she has just finished up the semester and is getting ready to enjoy her time off until she has to start back to school in the first week in September . I , on the other hand , have to continue to work my 9 to 5 job with only two weeks off this summer .
I realize this is simply the nature of our professions and I shouldn ’ t get upset . However , my wife just sits around all day and does nothing when she is on vacation . She gets angry with me when I ask her to do extra things . She accuses me of trying to make her work because I ’ m jealous that she has the summer off . That simply isn ’ t true . I just feel that if my wife has nothing to do , then she can do the grocery shopping and other chores without me . Unfortunately , she doesn ’ t see it that way . She barely cleans the house and is content to let things go all day until I get home . Heck , she won ’ t even prepare an occasional dinner , so I can relax after a hard day ’ s work . I am also upset because she doesn ’ t
Advice from Dr . Stanwix
Middle Age Musings
Summer Bummer
do anything with her vacation time . She just sits around the house . She has no hobbies , no exercise routine , etc . I try to tell her how lucky she is to have the time off and that if she isn ’ t going to do things around the house , she could at least pick up some sort of a hobby . She tells me that I ’ m not her boss and I should just lay off .
Is she right ? Should I simply lay off and let her do whatever she wants with her time off ? Do I have a right to at least ask her to help out more around the house since she isn ’ t working in the summer ?
Please let me know . I don ’ t want to spend another summer arguing with my wife about this . Sincerely , Summer Bummer
Dear Summer Bummer , It ’ s not easy when our spouses have time off and we don ’ t . The whole family balance gets thrown off and resentment can rear itself . Your situation is not unique . Many people who are married to teachers feel the same way . You have basically two options : A ) Switch your career to teaching and take the summer off with your wife . Then you could show her how to better take advantage of her time . B ) If you need help around the house , make your requests reasonable and be sure you don ’ t try to micromanage your wife ’ s summer vacation .
Unless you are interested in switching professions , let ’ s focus on the second option .
There is no doubt that you are trying to put additional work on your wife because she has nothing to do . Your wife is right that you have no right to do this . Teachers work hard and deserve some time off to relax . However , as with any relationship , each person has his / her responsibilities .
I don ’ t have all of the facts here , but she may be unwilling to help out around the house because you are trying to dictate what she does with her free time . Rather than acting the role of taskmaster , why not simply explain this instead of nagging her ?
Regarding the fact that she doesn ’ t take up a hobby , that is simply none of your affair . That is her prerogative . If your wife is merely being lazy and unreasonably refuses to help out around the house , then perhaps you need to discuss this matter with her seriously . While you aren ’ t her boss , you are reasonable in expecting her to help out with certain chores if she has so much extra time on her hands . Whether husband or wife , it is important that we work to help , not antagonize , one another .
Keep in mind that in any relationship there is always some give and take . If you have free time , you should want to dedicate some of that time to helping your spouse , and vice versa . This shouldn ’ t be because anyone places expectations on the other . It should be because you love and want to help that person . Best of Luck , Dr . Michael Stanwix
Dr . Michael Stanwix has an honorary doctorate in marital counseling and is a full time life coach . He can take on anyone ’ s questions . The question is , can you take what he has for an answer ? Dr . Stanwix ’ column is provided courtesy of Fiftyisthenewfifty . com , devoted to those who are middle aged and people who accept the fact that they will get there someday .
If you have a question for Dr . Stanwix , feel free to write him at drstanwix @ fiftyisthenewfifty . com .
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COLLIN COUNTY Living Well Magazine | MAY / JUNE 2016