Coaching World:
In Better Than Before,
you share your four
tendencies framework.
Can you tell our readers
a bit more about the
framework and each
of the tendencies?
Gretchen Rubin: When we try
to form a new habit, we set
an expectation for ourselves.
Therefore, it’s crucial to
understand how we respond
to expectations. We face
two kinds of expectations:
outer expectations (meet
work deadlines, observe
traffic regulations) and inner
expectations (stop taking naps,
keep a New Year’s resolution).
Upholders respond readily to
both outer expectations and
inner expectations. “I do what
others expect of me—and what I
expect from myself.”
Questioners question all
expectations. They meet an
expectation only if they believe
it’s reasonable (effectively
making it an inner expectation).
“I do what I think is best,
according to my judgment. I
won’t do something that doesn’t
make sense.”
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Coaching World
Obligers respond readily to outer
expectations but struggle to
meet inner expectations. “I don’t
like to let others down, but I often
let myself down.”
Rebels resist all expectations,
outer and inner alike. “I want to
do what I want, in my own way. If
you tell me to do it, I’m less likely
to do it.”
CW: Why is
understanding your
dominant tendency so
crucial to successfully
changing a habit?
GR: Once we know our
tendency, we have a better idea
of what habit-change strategy
will work for us. For instance,
Upholders do especially well
with the Strategy of Scheduling,
Questioners with the Strategy of
Clarity, Obligers with the Strategy
of Accountability and Rebels with
the Strategy of Identity.
CW: What surprised
you most during your
research and writing
process?
GR: I was surprised to realize that
I was just about the only habits
“expert” who acknowledged what
seems to me to be the most
crucial step toward habit change.
The most important step is to
understand ourselves.
There’s no shortage of advice
about how to change your
habits: Start small! Do it first
thing in the morning! Reward
yourself! Be moderate!
While it would be terrific to
discover some magic answer,
the fact is—as we all know from
tough experience—there’s no
one-size-fits-all solution. Each
of us has to figure out, for
ourselves, what works for us.
When we identify key aspects
of our nature, we can tailor
a habit to suit our particular
idiosyncrasies, and that way, we
set ourselves up for success. In
Better Than Before, I talk about
the many strategies for habit
change, and show how various
strategies work better or worse
for different people, given their
diverse natures.
Just because a habit worked
for Benjamin Franklin or Taylor
Swift doesn’t mean it will work
for you. A good example of
this? Morning people and night
people. Sure, it makes sense
on paper to exercise first thing
in the morning. But if you’re a
night person, you’re at your most
energetic much later in the day.
If your New Year’s resolution is
“Get up an hour early each day
to exercise,” you’re not setting
yourself up for success. Because
you’re a night person.
CW: How can individuals
cultivate habit change
that lasts?
GR: In Better Than Before, I identify
21 strategies that we can use to
make or break our habits. That’s
a lot—which is good. Because
there are so many