As coaches, we are not just charged
with actively listening to our clients.
We need to be intimately involved
in the coaching conversation and
immersed in the relationship. As
a result, it’s likely that we will be
impacted on many levels by the
client, by what he is saying and not
saying, and by how he is being.
So, while it is true that our attention
needs to be on the client, we also
need to be aware of our own
thoughts, feelings and sensations.
This requires listening with more
than just our ears and paying
attention to all that happens in the
field of our relationship. Listening
in such a way allows us to notice
things which might not be explicit in
the client’s speech.
For example, if you arrive to a
coaching session feeling happy and
open, but notice during the session
that you are feeling sad, tense,
angry or even achy, it’s worth being
at least curious about what might
be happening in the conversation
or relationship to cause those
changes. Of course, you might
be “wrong,” but it is important to
listen and share your curiosity with
your clients—not as the “truth”,
but as something that you are
experiencing, and that might serve
the coaching.
The idea that coaching is all about
the relationship isn’t a radical one,
but we often tend to focus solely on
the coachee as we work to cultivate
and augment our coaching skills.
It’s worth remembering that we as
coaches are in the relationship and
are impacted by it. This leaves us
with territory ripe for exploration and
inquiry. How do we begin to include,
and pay attention to, our own
sensations, responses and reactions
to the client while still staying in the
conversation with him or her?
I’d like to leave you with the
following question: How might we
be holding ourselves back from
truly connecting with our clients by
not connecting with ourselves?
ICF BUSINESS
PART N E R S
ICF partners with various
groups through the ICF Media
Partner and ICF Business
Solutions Partner programs
to offer discounts or special
pricing to ICF Members on
goods and services. Learn
more at icf.to/partners.
22Touch
Annuity Managers
Agency, LLC
Assessments 24x7
AudioAcrobat
choice
Coaching at Work
Coaching Websites
Forward Metrics
Human Grid
iTelecoach.com
Nationwide
Soffront
Staples
TranscribeMe
The Coaching Show
The Coaching Tools
Company.com
VideoBio
Aboodi Shabi, PCC
Westminster Indemnity
World Business and
Executive Coach
Summit (WBECS)
Zoom
Not an ICF Member?
Identify yourself as part of the
world’s largest community of
professionally trained coaches
11
With almost two decades of experience as
a coach and trainer of coaches, Aboodi has
worked with thousands of coaches and leaders
around the world. He was a founding copresident of ICF United Kingdom and has taken
on other volunteer leadership roles in Europe’s
coaching community. He is co-founder of
CTL Leadership, delivering Newfield Network’s
coaching program in Europe. Learn more at
aboodishabi.com and email him at aboodi@
ctileadership.com.
Coaching World
During a recent coaching session,
a client was telling me how she
had stopped caring and become
very cynical about life, and that she
wanted to give up her career. She
remained impassive and her tone
wasn’t changing, but the more she
talked, the sadder I felt. Eventually, I
admitted that her words had me on
the brink of tears. She subsequently
softened slightly and began to talk
about the pain she had been feeling
but didn’t dare to admit to. It was
an intense moment between us,
and it caused the energy of our
conversation to shift.
As I reflected on what had
happened, I found myself
wondering whose sadness I’d been
feeling. Was it hers, or my own?
My attention had definitely moved
off of her and on to the reactions I
was having to her. However