Spotting a Faux Pas
A faux pas occurs anytime we say
something that we subsequently
realize is not being in full support
of our client. For example, a coach
might ask a question with an edge
in her tone of voice that signifies
she is holding her own agenda,
rather than the client’s. Maybe
the coach expected that her client
would complete a set of stated
actions by the next session and,
when the expectation isn’t met,
the coach’s tone communicates,
“You aren’t able to keep your
commitments,” and comes across
as parental or judgmental.
Another example would be when
a client is transitioning to a senior
role in his organization and having
difficulty with being micromanaged
by his superior. The coach’s
questions communicate that the
client needs to do what his boss
says, instead of supporting him
in finding ways to have a difficult
conversation with his superior.
A faux pas can also be more subtle.
As a Mentor Coach who listens to a
lot of recorded coaching sessions,
one example I often hear is when
the energy of the client goes down.
This often occurs when a coach
takes the client off track from the
stated, desired outcome for the
coaching session and asks questions
that don’t add any value to the
conversation or the client.
Responding with Grace
If you only recognize something was
“off” after the session has ended,
reflect on that. Then, reach out to
your client by phone or email and let
her know your thoughts (e.g., “I was
reflecting on our coaching session
yesterday and realize I may have
inadvertently communicated in a
way that wasn’t empowering to you. I
just wanted to check in with you and
see if there was anything that I could
have done differently.”). Even if the
client doesn’t recognize it, it’s good
that you’ve picked up on your faux
pas and corrected it. In so doing,
you’ll also demonstrate that you’re a
human being who is aware that your
way of thinking and behavior affects
your client.
By owning your faux pas, you’ll be
demonstrating how to communicate
difficult and challenging thoughts
and feelings. In my experience
as a Leadership Behavior Coach,
this is often one of the things our
clients want and need to gain more
experience doing for themselves. By
modeling how to have a challenging
conversation and own your
behavior, you are being a masterful
coach and being of service to your
client beyond measure.
Building Trust
If you are sensitive and
conscious to your coaching
presence, you will recognize
when you have said something
that may lessen trust. This level
of vulnerability builds trust and
intimacy. Trust is built when
we have an open and honest
relationship with our clients
and show we are as human
as they are. So turn your faux
pas into opportunities for allaround learning.
As ICF celebrates our 20th
anniversary in 2015, look for
this button in each issue of
Coaching World. It denotes
an article or column that
communicates an aspect of ICF’s
history and legacy as the world’s
leading organization for trained
professional coaches.
The ICF Core Competencies
were developed in 1998
through the efforts of ICF’s
first Exam Committee. In
the same year, the first ICF
Credentials were awarded
at our conference in
Scottsdale, Arizona, USA.
Today, ICF’s 11 Core
Competencies form
the foundation for our
credentialing and program
accreditation processes,
as well as set high
standards for professional
coach practitioners.
Each quarter, this CW
column explores a tool or
technique that coaches can
apply in service of specific
ICF Core Competencies.
Learn more about the ICF
Core Competencies at
Coachfederation.org/
corecompetencies.
Coaching World
9
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