Christian Review Magazine Issue 3 - March 2015 - Page 11

BI: I became a Christian while making this film. Before I started, I definitely wasn’t an atheist. That would have taken some serious consideration and thought. You really have to decide to be an atheist. To purposefully and vehemently reject the idea of God. I honestly thought that I was a Christian. Most people in America think they’re Christians just because they were born here. I didn’t smoke cigarettes, I went to church on Christmas Eve, and I watched Fox News with my mom. That’s all a Christian was to me. It was decorative. But yes, I did become a Christian while making “The Drop Box.” When I first read the article on Pastor Lee, I wanted to know where all the love came from. After spending time in his orphanage, sleeping on the floor with the kids, I came home to my old life, much emptier than before. Sitting in my childhood bedroom, on the blue futon where I’d thought a little about God and a lot about girls, I heard a sermon about the cross. It was about how Jesus took my place on that cross. I’d heard that before. I’d heard that Jesus came to die for my sins. But this sermon was different. The message was different and it cut me to ribbons. The pastor that I was podcasting told me for the first time in my life that my heart mattered. That my secrets Pastor Lee picks up a precious delivery from the drop box mattered. That all my secret longings and lustful thoughts and selfish ambitions were sin. Sitting in my bedroom, listening to this sermon on the same computer that I had been watching pornography on for the previous five years, I broke down. All I could offer was a meager but real “I’m sorry.” That day, I learned that Jesus Christ was sinless, but that he died a sinner’s death. Like a movie through my mind, I watched Jesus take my place in an emotionally abusive relationship where I was the guilty party. My sin became clear in front of that same computer that I’d looked at naked women, in the room I’d screamed swear words at my parents. He took my place on the cross, the one place where I didn’t have to go, as long as I let Jesus go in my place. I hated myself. My sin and shame felt so deep it was as though I’d run over an innocent child on the highway. But at the same time, I had never felt so beautifully known in my whole life. It was the Father’s love, the love that still wanted me when I hated myself that changed everything. So I let Jesus into my shame, and now I’m free. CR: Looking back, is there anything you would have done differently during the filmmaking process? BI: Yes, I think when you first start making movies, you are your own chief cook and bottle washer. You write and shoot and edit an