They thought that this decision would help improve my grades and maybe change my attitude. Their decision seriously changed my life forever. After that, I started to change; I no longer bullied people or abused people, but by that point it was too late. People had lost their trust in me. That year was one of the hardest years of my life. Christmas Eve of 2003 my mom was hospitalized with double pneumonia, she actually died! I remember praying that night "Jesus, please don't let my mom die! I need my mom." Although my grades went up, things never got better as far as bullying was concerned. During all this time, something else was going on in my personal life. A family member had begun to rape me. This began at the age of 9, and continued for years.
In His great mercy, He spared my mom's life. She continued to heal and regain her strength back throughout the next year.
By the age of 13, I had discovered pornography. I was instantly hooked from the first moment I watched it. At the end of seventh grade, my younger brother and some of his friends had invited me to church. I decided to go only because they offered big handfuls of candy. I continued to go to church throughout the summer. My eight grade year was hard, I was 15 years old
and began to party. I began to go out drinking with some "friends" I had made who were in high school at the time. They pressured me into drinking. One thing led to another and before I knew it I was passed out. When I woke up there were 4 guys taking their turn raping me while the other three held me down. During this whole time I went to church but I had started to believe the wrong things about God. I began to believe the lies that God didn't love me and that going to church would make me a good enough person to get into heaven. I couldn't stop believing these lies no matter how hard I tried. For years I went to different churches looking for some kind of truth. Meanwhile my personal life was continuing to get worse; the years of emotional abuse from my family, the years of rape, abuse, no matter where I turned I seemed to continue getting hurt.
Dawn in this photo at age 22