CHLOE Magazine Spring 2014 Volume 4 Issue 4 - Page 21

CHLOE MAGAZINE U nfortunately, I can’t even count how many horror stories I have heard about smart, mature women being duped into going on dates with guys who are great online, but turn out to be real life train wrecks. So how the hell did these guys manage to capture and maintain the interest of women for long enough to even get to the meet-and-greet stage of the online dating process? Well the answer is simple enough... These days, life online is all about shameless self-promotion and the strategic release of information. In a few short years, we have managed to become our very own PR gurus. Status updates and tweets are carefully thought out, photos are closely surveyed before being tinted with just the right filter, and for the right price, profiles can even be created for you by a professional! We, as a society, have mastered the art of online image manipulation; thus, many men choose to sow their seeds in cyber space - where they feel most comfortable and, of course, look the coolest. Now ladies, my purpose here is not to scare you out of online dating (after all, where else is a fabulous, workaholic, marathonrunning philanthropist like yourself supposed to meet a guy anyway??). What I want to do is help you sniff out the weirdoes as early as possible so that you’ll avoid yet another dating disaster. With all these online image manipulators lurking about, there has never been a better time to fine tune your Creep-radar to help you see beyond the carefully created profiles of your suitors. Here a few examples of the guys you need to avoid like the plague - no matter now great their abs look in their profile pictures: Excessive Emoticon Usage Guy: If your suitor can’t bare to hit the send button without throwing a ;), a :) or a :P into EVERY FRIGGIN’ MESSAGE, you have likely found yourself a sociopath. Sure, if he’s “so bummed he missed your last message :(“, it’s kind of cute; but if every message has an accompanying emoticon, it’s time to log off and move on. 3am Messenger Guy: Girl, if the only YOU’VE GOT MAIL... NOW RUN For an online dater, there is no greater tragedy than showing up for a highly anticipated first meeting with a guy, only to sit across from him thinking, “Who is this sociopathic weirdo and what did he do with the hot, funny, charmer I’ve been chatting with for the past week??” words by Nikita Simone illustration by Hiroyuki Kikuchi messages you get from a guy appear in the middle of the night, you can assume he’s hiding under the covers and messaging you while his girlfriend is asleep beside him. Either that or he had to down a few beers in order to work up the confidence talk to you - if that’s the case, ask yourself how wasted he would need to be when he meets you in person... Probable Sexual Predator Guy: Men think about sex all the time. We get it. But if he can’t resist the urge to throw a few sexual innuendos into your conversation before he’s even actually met you, the guy is likely a bit of a pervert. If that’s your thing - awesome. If it’s not your thing, time to say ‘Adios’ to Casanova. Pathological Liar Guy: Chatting with a guy who sounds too good to be true? Well then it’s time to do some minor fact checking. I’m not saying to scour the internet digging up dirt on Mr. Perfect, but if his LinkedIn account info does not the match ‘ Professional’ section of his dating profile, you have found yourself a fibber, and since honesty is the foundation of every relationship, you need to kick him to the curb immediately. Serial Messenger Guy: Did your grandmother call and distract you from your conversation for 30minutes? And when you came back to your computer, were you greeted by 8 messages asking whether you’re there still or if something he said had upset you? RUN!!! This guy is needy and insecure and he is going F