The Dark Side
What trick-or-treaters can expect from our teachers
After coming to an agreement that our
teachers may actually have lives outside of
school, the Chieftain staff entered into a
discussion about what they’d give out for
Halloween. For example ... Mr. Hickey: No candy here. He’s the
type of guy to hide in the bushes and scare
people. He thinks everyone is sweet.
Mr. King: Expect words of wisdom, of
course. Have you ever passed the man in the hallway?
Miss Nuss: Probably just leaves a bowl
of candy out on her porch, because she’s too
busy reading... and playing with her dog.
Here are some others:
Mrs. Bartlett: Mr. Huber: Mr. Kuschel:
Mrs. Becker: Mr. Kender:
Avisos and frijoles
Bacon jelly beans
Participation points
Economist
subscriptions
Mr. Naumann:
Business cards
Mr. DeMarco:
Venison
Mr. Kossakowski:
Hot Fries
Pretzels, raisins, trail mix
Mr. Filo:
Mr. Riker:
Coca Cola
Mr. Sanders:
Blue Lines
“Truth Still Matters”
CDs
Mr. Godwin:
Watches
Mrs. Stoltman:
Smarties
Mr. Higdon:
Scooby Snacks
Mrs. Zink:
Homemade cookies
A Trick-or-Treater’s Guide to Success
By Sante Dybowski
Chieftain Staff
You put your costume on, get your
pillowcase, and get ready to run out the
door. You take your fi rst steps outside
and see copious amounts of people
every which way.
You start your journey and quickly
get stopped by “Uncle” Jerry, who re-
ally is not your uncle at all. Every year,
Jerry thinks he’s throwing a party in his
driveway, giving out popcorn to kids.
If you like getting popcorn on Hal-
loween, then you really need to check
yo self. And you don’t, of course, so
you quickly pull your ninja turtle mask
over your face and walk past Uncle
Jerry without saying a word.
You keep walking and get some
good loot, but then you see the colossal
house that everyone has been talking
about: two Teslas out front and a foun-
tain of a fi sh spewing out water.
You walk to the front door and an
array of king-size candy bars lights up
B R OTHE R R IC E H IG H S C H O O L C H I E F TA I N
your face. You wait until they aren’t
looking and quickly take a Butterfi nger
and a Snickers, both about the size of
your face. Now you’re in the zone, the
adrenaline’s pumping and you sprint
house to house, collecting candy until
your pillowcase is almost a quarter full.
Then you arrive at Mrs. Jeffries’
house. The nicest lady on the planet.
In her late 80s to early 90s, Mrs. Jeffries
will gladly give you any candy you ask
for. Your bag increases in weight by a
solid two pounds.
You keep making your way around
the block until you almost wet your-
self, thanks to the Garcia twins (Juniors
in college), who jump from a tree and
scream in your face. You shake it off
and move on.
You see a lone bucket on Mr. Frank’s
porch and you quickly sprint up and
dump the whole thing into your bag.
You feel a little bad, but sometimes in
life you just have to send it, and this is
one of those times.
P AGE 5
1. Uncle Jerry, 2. king-size land, 3. Mrs. Jef-
fries, 4. Garcia twins, 5. Mr. Frank
O C T O B E R 2017