Chieftain October 2017 | Page 5

The Dark Side What trick-or-treaters can expect from our teachers After coming to an agreement that our teachers may actually have lives outside of school, the Chieftain staff entered into a discussion about what they’d give out for Halloween. For example ... Mr. Hickey: No candy here. He’s the type of guy to hide in the bushes and scare people. He thinks everyone is sweet. Mr. King: Expect words of wisdom, of course. Have you ever passed the man in the hallway? Miss Nuss: Probably just leaves a bowl of candy out on her porch, because she’s too busy reading... and playing with her dog. Here are some others: Mrs. Bartlett: Mr. Huber: Mr. Kuschel: Mrs. Becker: Mr. Kender: Avisos and frijoles Bacon jelly beans Participation points Economist subscriptions Mr. Naumann: Business cards Mr. DeMarco: Venison Mr. Kossakowski: Hot Fries Pretzels, raisins, trail mix Mr. Filo: Mr. Riker: Coca Cola Mr. Sanders: Blue Lines “Truth Still Matters” CDs Mr. Godwin: Watches Mrs. Stoltman: Smarties Mr. Higdon: Scooby Snacks Mrs. Zink: Homemade cookies A Trick-or-Treater’s Guide to Success By Sante Dybowski Chieftain Staff You put your costume on, get your pillowcase, and get ready to run out the door. You take your fi rst steps outside and see copious amounts of people every which way. You start your journey and quickly get stopped by “Uncle” Jerry, who re- ally is not your uncle at all. Every year, Jerry thinks he’s throwing a party in his driveway, giving out popcorn to kids. If you like getting popcorn on Hal- loween, then you really need to check yo self. And you don’t, of course, so you quickly pull your ninja turtle mask over your face and walk past Uncle Jerry without saying a word. You keep walking and get some good loot, but then you see the colossal house that everyone has been talking about: two Teslas out front and a foun- tain of a fi sh spewing out water. You walk to the front door and an array of king-size candy bars lights up B R OTHE R R IC E H IG H S C H O O L C H I E F TA I N your face. You wait until they aren’t looking and quickly take a Butterfi nger and a Snickers, both about the size of your face. Now you’re in the zone, the adrenaline’s pumping and you sprint house to house, collecting candy until your pillowcase is almost a quarter full. Then you arrive at Mrs. Jeffries’ house. The nicest lady on the planet. In her late 80s to early 90s, Mrs. Jeffries will gladly give you any candy you ask for. Your bag increases in weight by a solid two pounds. You keep making your way around the block until you almost wet your- self, thanks to the Garcia twins (Juniors in college), who jump from a tree and scream in your face. You shake it off and move on. You see a lone bucket on Mr. Frank’s porch and you quickly sprint up and dump the whole thing into your bag. You feel a little bad, but sometimes in life you just have to send it, and this is one of those times. P AGE 5 1. Uncle Jerry, 2. king-size land, 3. Mrs. Jef- fries, 4. Garcia twins, 5. Mr. Frank O C T O B E R 2017