Forget iPads, Rice Going Back to Stone Age
By D Shaffer
Chieftain Staff
It’s fi nally happening, people. An
article in The Chieftain’s April 2017 issue
about the use of iPads in the classroom
brought to light what was truly going
on with the devices, which were de-
signed for academic use. The staff and
administration of Brother Rice decided
it would be best to move forward with-
out iPads for the 2019-20 school year,
and beyond.
Shockingly, students were found
playing games or scrolling through
social media during classes, when they
should’ve been paying attention to the
teachers, which only contributed to the
collective decision of an iPad-less Broth-
er Rice moving forward.
When informed of the decision, one
Senior, who wished to remain anony-
mous, said, “I knew it was getting out of
hand when the Seniors thought we still
used Moodle.”
Brother Rice decided to make the
transition from Moodle and Infi nite
Campus to Schoology and PowerSchool,
respectively, following the 2015-16
school year. That would make the cur-
rent Senior class Freshmen at the time.
In fact, many of our current students,
when polled, were unsure what School-
ogy or PowerSchool were. A handful
of others thought they earned good
grades by watching Fortnite videos in
class. This all seemed to contribute to
the big decision. An even more top-se-
cret source, who also wishes to remain
anonymous, gave the Chieftain some
insight into the type of frustration iPads
cause teachers.
“I am Mr. Kase and I hate the iPads,”
our secret source said.
Many are probably wondering what
the alternative to the beloved iPad will
be, and the answer is simple: stone tab-
lets. Going back to the days of cavemen,
students will be expected to chisel their
names onto their tablets at the begin-
ning of the year so they can be returned
to their rightful owner in the case of
misplacement.
For those who are worried about their
tablets looking the exact same as some-
one else’s, you’re in luck.There will be
different versions of the tablet. Brother
Rice will start by offering the choice
of marble or fl int, as well as pumice,
for those who prefer a lighter option.
Each tablet will come with a chisel, and
teachers will be expected to resort back
to teaching on the chalkboard so the
students don’t get distracted with the
SmartBoards.
The future Brother Rice’s Tech De-
partment does not look too good, either.
There have been rumors of retraining
them, or bringing in seasoned black-
smiths or stonemasons, to help the
students with all issues regarding their
stone tablets. That decision has yet to be
made, the Chieftain has learned.
The transition into the 2019-20 school
year looks to be the toughest in Brother
Rice history, but we’re all in this togeth-
er. Or at least the Freshmen, Sopho-
mores and Juniors are.
We at the Chieftain are excited for this
step in the right direction for the school,
and we hope the students are, too.
‘Chieftain Live’ Sued for Copyright Infringement
B ROTHE R R I C E H I G H S C HO O L C H I E F TA I N
theme songs from “The Offi ce,” “Full
House,” “Seinfeld,” “Two and a Half
Men,” “Law and Order,” and more.
In addition, despite a recent surge in
sales thanks to the movie “Bohemian
Rhapsody,” the rock band Queen has
joined the suit for the unauthorized
use of its hit song, “We Will Rock
You.” With further investigation, it
came to light that “Chieftain Live” is
being charged with
profi ting by posting
their videos on a sepa-
rate YouTube account
that has garnered
thousands of views.
“We have never
profi ted off of ‘Chief-
tain Live,’ ” said Mr.
W, the moderator for
“Chieftain Live.” “This
is fake news.”
P AGE 6
According to the lawsuit, the “dirty”
money has been used to fund, among
other things, the wardrobe and hair-
care costs of one of its hosts, Julian
Hermiz.
“My lawyer has told me to be quiet
about the case, but I am innocent,”
said Hermiz. “I didn’t want to do it,
but I was told I would get an ‘F’ in the
class if I didn’t.”
By Michael Singleton
Chieftain Staff
As we all know, “Chieftain Live” has
become a great way to get news and
entertainment about our school. We
all love the iconic theme songs they
have used in their intro, but, because
of those intros, this story has taken an
ugly turn.
According to our sources, YouTube
has taken down the videos of “Chief-
tain Live” because of copyright issues.
Multiple entertainment networks say
they have found evidence of wrongful
use of their content. “Chieftain Live”
and Brother Rice High School have
been charged in federal court with
copyright infringement lawsuits. One
of the largest lawsuits is from NBC for
unlawful use of the “Friends” theme-
song. Other entertainment compa-
nies have joined in, due to the use of
A P R I L 1, 2019