‘gave me a place where
I could just be honest
with people and they
understood. We could just
share experiences, and it
helped me to understand
that it was an illness; a
disease. Listening to other
people put me on a journey
of forgiveness.’
This journey helped
Charlie to rebuild his
relationship with his dad.
‘Alcoholism contributed
to his lying, self-pity,
selfishness and by forgiving
shame and not wanting to
talk about the alcoholism. It
was important because she
cared for him and had been
with him for all those years.’
Continuing his journey,
Charlie is having singing
lessons and working with
musicians to make a song
about his father and the
alcoholism that consumed
him. ‘One of the things I
want to do is have guitar
lessons because I think
with things like alcoholism
conversations can happen
when you do things like
musical poetry.’
For Charlie it is clear
that forgiveness is a
journey, one that can inspire
others to follow a similar
path.
- by Laura Noble
him I came to realise that I
would be a much happier
person and it would help
me to break this cycle so
that I wouldn’t become an
alcoholic.’
Al-Anon helped break
the culture of denial, and
by admitting there was a
problem they were able to
move forward to an ongoing
journey of forgiving his dad.
‘Forgiveness has
allowed us to move on and
share the love we had for
him. In his last few weeks
he was in a lot of pain as
he had lung cancer but he
reached out and let us hold
his hand. In these moments
we got to share love with
our dad. I feel that it is an
assumption that if you say
it is forgiven then it’s all
dealt with. At the funeral
I deliberately said that for
me this was an ongoing
journey. I said there will be
flashbacks and things that
need to be worked through.
It is important that we talk
about that. There will be
new things that come up
and new things that we
learn.’
At the funeral, Charlie
recalls, he felt anxious
about his mother giving a
eulogy and addressing his
father’s addiction.
‘I’m glad she did get up and
speak, because my uncle
didn’t really want her to
talk. In the morning I had to
be really firm with him, and
say “actually she is going
to talk, and I don’t care
what you think.” There is
a fear that exists; a fear of
Charlie
Ryder