There are a thousand moments in life whizzing by you , missed opportunities , mistakes , chances … they fly past you at the speed of light like a galaxy of unrecognized stars , blurring into background noise . One can grasp them , take hold and take flight , or ignore them all together . Some are monumental and some insignificant , but moments all the same , choices to be taken or passed up . But some moments change the course of a life . Some stars , previously seeming so far from reach , are only caught with a massive leap , without knowing for certain if you ’ ll catch them at all , and even if you do , whether you ’ ll be able to hold on through the ride . Those are the chances that most of the world passes by , the stars too fast , too bright , too high and too far to grab hold of . Most of the people stop recognizing them all together . But those are the stars that can change everything . And this was one of those very moments .
It would have been easy to stay . There was no reason for me to leave America other than the unquenchable desire to explore the unknown that had been bubbling underneath , unable to be silenced for the past six years . I had tried to bury it more than once , forcing myself to assimilate into the “ normal ” American culture of a college graduate , boxing up all those far-fetched , irresponsible dreams and stacking them in the back of some closet I never could quite seem to lock . It always managed to come unhinged , all those dreams toppling out , refusing to be unheard , daring to be followed . And finally , by the age of 25 , the pass . But they would be there still . Forever . Lingering . Waiting . Reminding . That I was too afraid .
Fear has no power when you run at it head on . It evaporates into thin air like the mirage it always was .
I am certain I am not the first person , nor the last to feel trapped by this American Dream that we ’ ve been promised since birth . I am definitely not an anomaly , with everything inside of me rejecting this paint-by-number life and step-ladder that we are expected to climb . Now more than ever , millennials everywhere are struggling with this stereotype and some are even fighting against it . Most of them are probably following the order and have done everything as expected of them , but I guarantee there are a few who hear that nagging voice now and again that there must be something more . I ’ m not special . I ’ m not a trailblazer or by any means , fearless . What I am is simply a girl who refused to settle into the mold , who couldn ’ t silence the beckon call of adventure , of the great big world , and who refused to stand still and let life happen to her .
Of course there were moments of doubt , of fear , of cursing myself for making such a drastic move without plans or knowledge of almost anything . But above all , were the moments of pure clarity , when everything clicked , when everything made sense and culminated in the utmost joy and most serene peace I had ever experienced . These gem-like moments didn ’ t always come at
IT WAS STAGGERING , A TERRIFYING TSUNAMI OF SELF AWARENESS AND I REMEMBER FEELING HORRIFYINGLY SMALL YET SO IMPOSSIBLY HUGE AND CAPABLE , AS THE ENTIRE WORLD SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUSTED WITH INFINITE POSSIBILITIES …
W R I T I N G | P H O T O S : K T H O M A S only thing I was entirely sure of in my small life was that I would regret it forever if I did not at least find out . And the only thing I feared more than leaving itself , was never leaving at all .
So I left . Abandoning a job and life that I loved , I took my sheepish mound of a few thousand dollars , and without any more of a plan than ten flights spread out over 6 months that would turn into 13 and 11 countries that would turn into 21 , I packed a backpack and fled the so desired “ American Dream .”
To my horror , people weren ’ t all that excited about me embarking on a solo circumnavigation of the world . In fact , they were downright horrified . Confused why I would ever want to leave this place and certain that a 25 year old girl had no place exploring the world on her own . Didn ’ t I know about the dangers , they would ask . But I couldn ’ t speak any other languages , how will I possibly get on , they protested . And hadn ’ t I ever seen the movie “ Taken ”, they practically shouted .
Of course I was afraid . I was terrified . What I couldn ’ t make them understand though was that that fear was my driving force . Always . The things I was most afraid of were the things that I forced myself to run into head on . Otherwise , they would just hover . Above my head . Forever . Like thoughts , dreams , premonitions , translucent type ideas that would never come to the top of South Africa ’ s Table Mountain , in the middle of the Aegean Sea , amidst the Vatican , horseback riding North of the Pyrenees , in a Hindu Temple in Fiji , or floating along the Amalfi coast . Most of those beautiful moments blew in full force on gale winds landing right inside of me when I least expected it and bursting through me . Each time it hit me out of nowhere and I ’ d be overcome with fits of giddy , childish laughter and joy , realizing that this is really my life and I am actually living this dream I ’ d had for so long . No need for bucket lists when you ’ re on one .
It wasn ’ t a booming voice coming down from the sky or a single earth shattering moment of clarity , but instead , a string of little moments , thousands of baby step clarities along the way . Like a sharp piece of glass tumbled over by the waves , who with time becomes a smooth gem . And I know that all of the edges haven ’ t been refined yet . Maybe they never will . But the once murky glass that was me and my world is abundantly clear now . Reflective and bright like crystal .
We spend our lives afraid of being alone with ourselves , craving any distraction from it at all . And when we are alone , we do the same . Phones . TVs . Internet . Anything to keep our brain entertained , looking out at everything else , because we fear what we may find if we unhook the leash and let our thoughts wander in . The unknown .
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