Help & support
and we’d find her packing
suitcases for an imaginary
holiday at 3am, or getting
dressed for a lunch date at
4am.
Sometimes Mark and I didn’t
sleep much for a week and
the stress and tiredness took
their toll as they do with
many families. One night we
had a fight about nothing –
we actually punched each
other – but looking back I
can see that the pressures
were simply too much for
both of us.
This trauma forced us
to start coming up with
creative ways to make
life more manageable. I
remember tying string to
Mum’s bedroom door and
putting it on my finger so I’d
know if she left her room in
the night! Looking back, it
seems silly. But at the time, I
genuinely didn’t know what
else I could do or where I
could go for help. That’s how
it feels when we’re under
such stress.
“The trauma forced
us to start coming
up with creative ways
to make life more
manageable.”
We also applied our
imaginations to making life
better for Mum. We quickly
realised that if Mum wasn’t
going to spend all day
sat staring at the TV, we
needed to find new ways
to keep her busy and give
her a sense of purpose. If
6
“Mum and I worked
together on a
bucket list and did
everything on it”
only we could find ways to
bring her back. We wanted
more than anything to see
her face light up, and those
moments when she looked
happy or excited, however
brief, became precious.
Mum and I worked together
on a bucket list and did
everything on it – including
going to Venice where Mum
did horse-riding for the very
first time. But the dementia
journey is long, and even if
you can afford special trips
and outings, you can’t spend
every day doing them.
We soon discovered that
visiting garden centres or
going to McDonalds for
milksh