Canadian Musician - September/October 2020 | Page 41

conversations have always been difficult
ones. You know, I think for a while it was difficult
for her to understand because there
was really no monetary value in what I was
doing for a long time,” Sutherland shares.
He also concedes that had his kids been
younger, rather than in their adolescent and
teen years when he took on music fulltime,
he may have never made the jump. “I think
it would’ve been a lot more difficult and
probably put a lot more strain on my relationship.
I don’t want to say it would’ve been
impossible, but certainly a lot more difficult.”
Seeking out advice
As a parent, there’s no shortage of advice
you’re given, often unsolicited.
Some of it you take to heart, some
of it you disregard, and some of it
you disregard before realizing you
should’ve taken it to heart.
“I thought, ‘What about women
who are artists?’ So, I talked to some
friends and there were some hard
stories that I heard, like: ‘I had my
baby and was separated at the time
and had to take him to the bars and
perform.’ Other nice stories were
more where it’s a couple but they’re
both singers. That was the best
scenario because they’re both traveling
with the kid and they would
both go all the way together,” recalls
Bado. “So, my fear was how I would
manage with the baby because as
the mother, I am going to have to
take the baby with me. Am I going
to take a sabbatical year and just
not do anything?”
In retrospect, that’s sort of what
she wishes she’d done – and would
suggest to others. Nonetheless, she
accepted the grants from Musiaction
and Manitoba Film and Music and got the
album done. That debut LP will be out Oct.
30 th .
“I would recommend that people enjoy
their pregnancy and the first months with
the baby until they feel like they’re ready
to go about it, and take that time to do the
administrative part. You could work on your
social media presence and website, write
music, and all these things that are part of
the job,” she says. “I don’t know why I felt
like I needed to get the project done. In my
head, it was a must at that time. [But] it’s
okay now; I’ve done it and I’m proud of it
and just trying to get things out.”
Young has a similar perspective. Like he
said earlier, it took a couple years for him
to learn it the tough way, so if there’s one
thing he would tell other artists expecting a
baby, it’s to prioritize time with your family.
“Family is number one and there’s no restart
on that, so focus on what you got to do to
take care of your family so that there’s no
regrets moving forward.”
Sutherland seconds what Young says.
Part of what he has loved about being a
musician versus a corporate professional
is that when he is home, he really gets to
focus on his family.
“I try to just focus on being a father and
husband when I am home. I have a certain
amount of time during the day to spend on
Jarrel Young with his
daughter Naomi
music and work stuff and having that understanding
goes a long way. They support
that and understand that and I appreciate
them allowing me to do that. Then, any other
part of the day, I’m there for them 100%.”
“The second secret is what I call my village;
my support system,” adds Young, noting
his mother and mother-in-law both live
nearby and provide a lot of help. “Another
thing is just planning. At the end of the
day, it is stressful and you are asking a lot
of your partner or community or whatever
it is, but in some situations, where there’s a
will, there’s a way. Figure out a way to prep
meals, for example, and make things easier
for your partner. Like, we were doing little
frozen meals or things like that help make
the process easier along the way and that
helps. But I don’t know how people do it
without a big support system.”
Blackwood seconds that notion. Especially
on tour, she stresses the need for help,
and sometimes that means paying someone.
(For risk of being repetitive, it’s worth saying
again that FACTOR and other such grants are
now making childcare an eligible expense.)
“Find those people in your life who are
really going to help you, and if you need to
go on tour and you have a baby, hire good
help. Don’t hire a friend because your friend
is not going to do the job. You need to hire
someone who is a professional at babies,”
she laughs.
As we end our conversation, I ask
Blackwood if there’s anything else on
this topic of balancing parenthood
and a music career that she wants to
add before we hang up the phone.
It’s the kind of open-ended question
I often toss off at the end of such interviews,
and usually, it doesn’t solicit
much. But this time, Blackwood left
me with maybe the most important
message of all, especially for other
moms:
“Everyone’s story is going to be a
little bit different, and sometimes it’s
possible and sometimes it’s not and
that is okay. Sometimes you can make
it work and sometimes you can’t. But,
I think everybody deserves the inspiration
to know that life as you know
it – career, passion, whatever it is that
you’re doing – it doesn’t have to end
when you find out that you’re pregnant.
It is going to change, for sure, by
180 degrees, and it’s probably going
to be really tiring for a while, but things
get easier,” she says. “So, I would just say:
don’t lose yourself. There is nothing sadder
to me than when someone has to give up
everything. Some people are born to be
mothers and are like, ‘I just wanted to be
a mom my whole life’ and as soon as they
have kids, they’re like, ‘This is it; this is my
retirement and I’m in my happy place.’ This
is great. But for people like me, I need to be
creating and making music and I need to
be doing something that feeds my soul in
that other way. So, do not feel guilty about
that because it’s so fucking normal.”
Michael Raine is the Senior Editor of Canadian
Musician
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