forgave you .” My restoration journey began when , after that mountain-moving prayer , I was able to finally forgive the surgeon that injured me .
I felt convicted to change my life from the inside out . The transformation was gradual , and yet astounding , all at the same time , through a painful process of heart cleansing . I went in to that elder prayer with the closed-mindedness that physical healing is what I needed , but I was wrong . It was the spiritual . Once I forgave , I was able to loosen my grip on my anger , guilt , unhappiness ; He moved the mountain of hypocrisy as I began sharing my story with other people to allow God to use this suffering to encourage others . I was able to start seeing fruit in my own life : Love , joy , peace , patience , goodness , faithfulness , gentleness , self-control . ( Don ’ t think for a minute that I don ’ t sometimes drop a piece of fruit on the ground . I do – just ask my kids !) But God is always faithful to forgive !
About 6 months after elder prayer , I began having new symptoms so my brother-in-law , who is a neurosurgeon , nudged me to see a new doctor he recommended . After exhaustive testing and consulting , I was told I needed to have extensive back surgery . I heard the Lord tell me that regardless of the outcome , I could have joy in suffering . He showed me glimpses of the work he was doing in my life , my marriage and my children ’ s life as the result of my suffering . God had restored so much . If you know my girls , you know they are fantastic , despite my best efforts to ruin them . They learned things you can ’ t teach in a book ; they watched God pruning me .
I didn ’ t know what the outcome of this surgery would be , but I knew that I had God on my side regardless of the outcome , and this time I could say it without hiding behind clichés . After a lot of prayer , on October 1 , 2013 I had that surgery .
Afterwards , I was confined to my house for three months with extensive restrictions . I was often lonely , and I had to miss lots of events and fought discouragement . But I was determined to be authentic and transparent and vulnerable with my communities . During those three months , I saw more of God ’ s grace and faithfulness than most people see in a lifetime . He quietly spoke to me and continued to work on my heart .
During my confinement , Jim preached about picking your personal Psalm in suffering to allow the Lord to speak directly to you . God lead me to Psalm 116 , which begins , “ I love the Lord , for he heard my voice ; he heard my cry for mercy . Because he turned his ear to me , I will call on him as long as I live .” At my three-month check-up with the doctor , I was told my revised fusion should be used in a textbook and I told the surgeon that it was because of how God restored me through a miracle . He nervously chuckled , but I knew the truth . I enjoyed a few years of being virtually pain-free and it was a wonderful gift from the Lord . But I still can stand here today and tell you that the spiritual healing overshadows the physical ; it ’ s why we have to be open to allowing the Lord to heal how HE wants to heal .
Psalm 116 ends with , “ What shall I return to the LORD for all his goodness to me ? I will sacrifice a thank offering to you and call upon the name of the LORD . I will fulfill my vows to the LORD in the presence of all his people , in the courts of the house of the LORD – in your midst , Jerusalem .” I had no idea when I picked that Psalm that two years later I would be physically able to stand in the midst of Jerusalem with a group from Calvary Church and offer a thank offering in the courts of the house of the LORD . Don ’ t you love how God works ?
If I ’ m honest and authentic , and I pull my leaves down , I can tell you that the pain has started to creep back in . It ’ s time , my age and the natural progression of one who has had so many back surgeries . I try to see it as a reminder of where I ’ ve come from and look at it as an opportunity to suffer well this time . The Lord spoke loudly and clearly to me a few weeks ago ( using Jim Samra ’ s voice ) when He said something like , “ If the Lord healed you through a miracle and your disease ( or pain ) comes back , it doesn ’ t mean that God didn ’ t perform a miracle .” That well-timed comment spoke deeply to my soul . Satan often tries to steal the miracle from me , telling me that my healing was physical and it ’ s fading away . But I know that that ’ s a lie . I now pray that I have faith to believe that my current mountains – fear , pain , disappointment and discouragement with a little panic tossed in – be thrown in to the sea and I know HE will do it . May I never forget the miracle that this fig tree , destined to wither , was brought back to life and can bear fruit .
By Holly Jones Women ’ s Bible Study Small Group Shepherd
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