Calvary Life CalvaryLife-Spring2018-FINALweb | Page 5

the
miracle
of the fig tree
I have been a Christian almost my entire
life. I had Christian parents who took me to
church. I went to a Christian college where I
met my Christian husband. We were bless-
ed with great Christian friends and started
a Christian family. I had dreams of being
“that mom.” You know the one: the one
who chaperoned all the field trips, baked
all the cookies, always had a warm dinner
on the table with freshly washed clothes all
tucked away upstairs. And it all looked like
it was going my way for a few years.
Then, 16 years ago, I went into labor with
my second child, Natalie, and during the
delivery, I ruptured multiple discs in my
back. When my back pain worsened, the
doctors discovered the discs were actually
cutting off my spinal cord, so I was rushed
into emergency surgery with a newborn
and a toddler at home. But the surgery did
not go as planned. My spine was damaged
and most of the nerve roots to my left leg
and my bladder were cut. It was a very
costly mistake resulting in: 11 additional
surgeries, titanium screws and rods, 2
neurostimulator implants, countless drugs,
about 40 spinal injections, years of physical
therapy and tens of thousands of dollars in
out-of-pocket medical bills. And after all of
that, I was left with permanent, debilitating
pain. In addition to backaches, the excruci-
ating nerve pain and muscle spasms in my
left leg and hip were intolerable at times. I
spent days in bed because it hurt too much
to move. When I did get up, the pain made
even the simplest of tasks difficult.
When my doctor put me on strong med-
ication, it numbed not only the pain but
everything else as well. I didn't recognize
myself and I alienated a lot of people. I
didn’t want to be pitied so no one outside of
my close circle of friends and family really
knew about the pain; and I liked it that way.
I would say all the Christian things. “God
is in control.” “I can do all things through
Christ who gives me strength.” “I’m fine
because the Lord is with me.” “Life is hard,
but God is good.”
Those were dark times…filled with unhap-
piness, unforgiveness, bitterness, anger,
hypocrisy, guilt because we spent all of our
money on me, regret over unmet expecta-
tions for what I thought my life ought to be.
My hardened heart knew God loved me,
but my head wondered where I had gone
wrong and what I had done to deserve this.
Resentment set in.
My family had to make a sacrifice for my
lack of fruit and I know that I charged way
too high of a price. I robbed them of their
chance to worship by stealing their joy and
making a mess out of our home. I robbed
them by not making our home a place of
rest, but rather a dark pit of unhappiness
and black junk.
In November 2012, this stubborn redhead
was finally able to submit to the Holy Spirit’s
prompting and went to the elders for prayer.
I had faith the size of a mustard seed that
God could move mountains in my life so I
didn’t end up like a withered fig tree. And
I had to pray for that mustard seed: “Lord,
help my unbelief.” And He did. I remem-
ber someone at that prayer prayed for my
broken spirit and I wondered who told them
about that. (I was there for my back!) But it
was then that I felt the Holy Spirit give me a
spark of hope.
Ephesians 4:31-32 guided me: “Get rid of
all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and
slander, along with every form of malice.
Be kind and compassionate to one another,
forgiving each other, just as in Christ God
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