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Mind Reading -- The “I Know
What You Mean” Fallacy
By: Steven Drozdeck

T

his article applies to everyone you’ll probably every meet. It is especially important
in marketing, sales, customer service and even
employee management in every business regardless of size or industry.
You’ve undoubtedly heard statements like “I
know what you mean,” “She should know what
I want,” or “He’s disappointed in me,” you have
heard people making assumptions about understanding what is in the other person’s mind. For
someone to “know what I want,” I have to have
told him or her, specifically and exactly, what
I want. To truly know that someone is “disappointed,” I would have to ask. Even then, the
word is relative to the individual. Here are some
examples of statements based upon mind reading.
“They all know what the policy means.” How do
your employees know that? Even if they all read
the identical words from an employee handbook, most people would have different interpretations.
“Of course they know how to do that.” How do
they know t? Were they taught it? This is very
true for customer service and sales positions.
We assume people can do their jobs and know
everything they need to know. We also assume
certain levels of knowledge on the part of our
customers.
“It’s obvious to me they want to do this.” How
is it obvious? Are there different potential interpretations?
“Salespeople think they can get away with anything.” This is a common back-office gripe.
Which ones? Do they all think that? How do
you know that? What do they think they can get
away with? What are some specific examples.

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Mind reading has caused more misunderstandings, disappointments, and grief than almost
any other thinking pattern that I’m aware of.
People are funny. They always assume that
“other people should be aware of my needs
without my having to tell them.” Some people
won’t even give a hint as to their needs, yet will
be disappointed or even angry that the other
person was unable to become a psychic and just
“know” what was necessary. You see this a lot in
families.
Assuming is basically the same as mind reading.
One of the best definitions of assuming that I
ever heard was that whenever you ass/u/me
you run the risk of making an “ass” out of “u/
you” and “me.” Remember that things are rarely
black and white. They are usually various hues
and shades of gray.
The key is to get specific information and to
avoid assumptions. Sometimes this is difficult
to do. However, the rewards are certainly worth
the effort. In sales, you cannot afford the risks of
a misunderstanding. So, the solution is asking a
lot of questions and then verifying your understanding of their answers.
A great English poet by the name of Rudyard
Kipling wrote a poem entitled “Six Serving Men.”
He indicated that questions preceded by one of
the six “men” Who, What, When, Where, How,
and Why will get you the answers you need to
just about anything. Learn to use them. However, you must learn to use them carefully. Asking
these or any other questions in an aggressive
manner usually results in a confrontation. Be
very, very careful about how you ask the question.
Asking these types of questions to others is the
key to effective relationships and sales.
This material was derived from What They Don’t Teach
You in Sales 101 by Steven Drozdeck, Joseph Yeager
and Linda Sommer. New York: McGraw Hill, 1991.
(ISBN: 0-07-017865-8). It is out of print but available,
used, on Amazon.