Accountability is taking responsibility for your actions and that sometimes can be truly difficult. It's tempting (and in some ways easier) to justify your mistakes, blame others and downplay behavior that hurts and upsets other people. It's painful and embarrassing to admit to yourself and others that you made a mistake or that you said or did something hurtful, unfair or damaging.
BLAME is perhaps the most tempting because it makes you feel self-righteous and morally superior. It can make you feel like an innocent victim and cause you to view the other person as “the bad guy” (sort of speak). This mindset lets you off the hook because you don't have to examine your own role in the problem and you don't have to feel guilty.
BARRIERS TO ACCOUNTABILITY INCLUDE:
•BLAMING – You see the other person (or outside factors) as responsible for your feelings and behavior. You focus on the other person's behavior and overlook what you did and said.
“S/he was trying to make me blow up.” or “I was under a
• JUSTIFYING – You see your behavior as a reasonable or acceptable response given the circumstances.
“What do you expect me to do, just sit there and take
•MINIMIZING – You think about and describe your behavior in a way that makes it seem less significant.
“All I did was push him/her. It's not like I hit him/her.”
THE COST:
When you avoid taking responsibility for your actions you make the other person even more upset and think/feel even more negatively about you. You limit your ability to show the other person that you have good values and miss an opportunity to heal and improve the relationship. Most importantly, owning your behavior is essential if you want to improve yourself and change so you can respond differently in the future.
(Be sure to tune in www.bendingrealitymag.com for other important Life Skills that I personally think should have been taught in our high schools).
ACCOUNTABILITY
By r0lly