Most of us grow up believing many things about marriage that
often set us up for failure. Being aware of them will make your
expectations of marriage more realistic, and hence less fraught
with misunderstandings.
The number one marriage myth has to be that a spouse should
make you whole. This myth gives engaged couples unrealistic
expectations. Both partners should work on personal wholeness
first. Your partner is not your other half - that would make you “not
whole”. Maintaining your individuality and your independence is
healthy. Marriage does not mean you now have to do everything
together. It doesn’t mean that you have to give up all of your
outside activities or your friends. A partner who expects that is
being completely unrealistic. This issue should be addressed as
early as it appears or else it can cause feelings of resentment
to build. Marriage doesn’t mean that you must surrender your
individuality as a person. Marriage is a team effort.
Ever hear the expression “A woman goes into marriage hoping
he’ll change and a man goes into marriage hoping she’ll never
change?” That marriage will somehow change you is another
common myth. Pay attention to any red flags that may appear in
the relationship before you take your vows. If something about
your partner really bothers you, deal with it. Don’t dismiss it
thinking that he or she will either change, or that you can change
them. That just won’t happen. You need to love each other for who
you are today and not for what you want or expect each other to
be in the future.
ONLY ABOUT 10% OF ENGAGED
COUPLES INVEST THE TIME
NEEDED TO LEARN THE SKILLS
THEY’LL NEED FOR MARRIAGE
You may find that going to marriage counselling can help you to
understand the issues and to work through them. It will also keep
your expectations of marriage in check. And yes, even dating and
engaged couple go.
One of the biggest issues in need of preparation married is
communication. This must be a priority in your relationship
before the wedding and after. Sometimes we think we know what
our partner is thinking, and we could be right. Then again, we are
not mind readers. Make it a habit to always talk things through and
never assume anything.
Over time, couples have a tendency to take each other for
granted. Remember how much attention you paid to making
your partner happy during the courtship? You should also plan
to give your partner reasons to stay in the relationship long after
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you’re married. That means continuing to do things to make your
partner want to be with you. .
Marriage and love is a process not an event. A marriage means
that you have to move from thinking in terms of “I” to “we”. It
is a team effort, and requires a shift in perspective and energy.
Becoming a married couple is an evolution that isn’t over on the
day of your wedding.
In order for your relationship to thrive, it’s essential that you
nurture it as you would anything that’s living and breathing.
If you treasure your partner with the love and nutrients they
need, your relationship will flourish. Plan on keeping the fun in
your marriage alive. Believe me that this is easier said then done.
Dating before the wedding, during a marriage it’s an effective and
practical way to strengthen your friendship and your marriage.