“We cry in the theatre”
What community means to me.
By Jess Harris
On April 26th, 2016, I went to the theatre and watched a musical. It changed my life.
According to Wikipedia: ‘In the Heights is a musical with music and lyrics by Lin-Manuel Miranda based on a book by Quiara Alegría Hudes. The story is set over the course of three days, involving characters in the largely Dominican-American neighbourhood of Washington Heights in New York City.’ However, in my case it is so much more. The London production opened on October 3rd, 2015 and although I saw it months later, at the time of its close on January 8th, 2017, I had seen it a total of fifteen times.
People were often bemused and baffled when I told them how many times I had seen the musical, “Why do you keep going back? Wasn’t once enough?” The truth is there were two reasons for my repeat viewings. 1) being a such a small production meant that it was incredibly affordable and 2) the stage door. The stage door, where actors meet fans after shows has many a story but the stage door of the King’s Cross Theatre will forever hold some of my fondest memories. Any trepidation I held about the social implications of my repeated visits were depleted by the sheer gratitude of the cast each time they saw us. I made life-long friends at that stage door. Friends that I still speak to every single day, friends that I know I would do absolutely anything for and friends that I never thought I would be able to have.
My personality disorder makes it extremely difficult to maintain healthy friendships but the friendships I formed at that theatre are based on a rarely achieved absolute understanding. It doesn’t matter that we are all from different walks of life. Even though we initially bonded over In The Heights, our friendship has developed into a much deeper bond where we talk about our shared interests, experiences with mental illness, even down to outfit advice. These people are my community. These people are my support, they are the validation I crave and I feel happy to support them. The group chat we have is a space where I feel free of my usual social anxieties and am able to truly be a comfortable version of myself where for once, I do not feel the need to excuse my mental illness.
In the words of Lin-Manuel Miranda himself at the time of his first visit to the show: “You guys formed this community in stage and it’s the reason these kids are crying in the front row.” I cried my make up off the night. It was one of several times I had left the theatre with tear stained cheeks. It is completely baffling that something seemingly as trivial as rap musical could be such a key point in my adolescence. But it was. I feel it in my heart every day and I still cry in the theatre.