“You are a hurricane of a girl; remember to breathe every once in awhile, do not drown within your own storm.” – Unknown
I have had this quote on the computer desktop for a number of months now. Twenty-one words that, to some, may seem depressing but for me.. it reminds me to smile. Why? Because every storm will always have its calm, and every calm will have its storm.
If the world were to rewind a year and a half, you would likely find me in the middle of said storm. My grades were mediocre, my energy was minimal and my passions were near obsolete. I had been in University for a few years studying Psychology- you know, the science of the brain. I was learning everything from how human development to mental illnesses and how they are treated. Yet, while learning about it all, I was not inclined to take a step back and realize that I had to do something about my mental health.
I have suffered from depression since the age of sixteen. It was nothing new to have bad days come and go, though what I didn’t realize was that by not caring for my mental health, I was allowing for my mental illness to take the reigns. By not participating in any sort of self-care activities, I left no time for my brain to re-cope and instead of having my “average” number of down days, it become a long, consistent rut that I could not dig myself out of; I was drowning in my own oblivion.
One thing that I find discerning, at times, is social media. Quite often you see ‘quick fixes’ or a person you have not seen in awhile saying that they have had a really bad day yet, from the outside, it looks fabulous. I use this example not because it is actually as it appears, but exactly the opposite. In no way shape or form am I to ever judge someone else’s life, the example is merely there for imagery of how people “only post beach side pictures.” I heard this quite not too long ago and it made sense- society today posts what is interesting. They do not often talk about the long route to how someone recovered from a difficult time, but instead the end of it where the sun is starting to come out.
With my story, I showed up to school. I showed up to work. Although it seemed normal, I started to be late for everything. Although it seemed normal, those few minutes I started to be late because of a ‘train’ or because my ‘alarm didn’t go off’ were mere excuses for the extra time I stared at my ceiling remembering how excited I was a few days ago for what was happening that yet. Remembering how it felt as if the entire world was pushing me back into my mattress and that excitement was nowhere but in the back of my memory. Most days my anxiety of being called out for missing a class allowed me to get there late, but eventually I missed almost it didn’t. Eventually I was sleeping the entire day and waking up as if I had only slept an hour. My energy was gone with the passions that I used to have.