Women berating other women on social media for any perceived flaw or irregularity they find in their clothing, parenting, relationships, careers, looks, etc. is ridiculously pervasive. But we aren’t just attacking the “lesser” among us, we will criticize, attack, and try to sabotage other successful women, because it scares us to see in them what we have not permitted in ourselves. Regardless of the reasons why this happens, feeling on guard around other women is the norm for a lot of women, and it’s exhausting.
Between social media, reality tv and commercials we’re bombarded with messages all day long, letting us know we aren’t even close to measuring up. We don’t look right or smell right or feel right, so we need more diets and doctors and dollars. It’s enough to make a person desperate if they don’t jump off this hamster wheel of constant comparison. Many times, we aren’t even competing with other women, but with ourselves — with how we think of ourselves. Sometimes we look at other women and see, instead, a version of ourselves that is better, badder, smarter, something, anything more. We don’t see the other woman at all.
For a lot of the sistas I know, there is a pressure to do it all. To have the career and the family and the #couplesgoals relationship. To look amazing and be ready for sex at the drop of a hat, while cooking 3 course dinners and having a Pinterest ready home, all at once. It’s impossible and yet we continually hold ourselves to this standard. And when we see someone also struggling to be perfect we are quick to point out some perceived failure, because while you might not be perfect, maybe at least you’re doing better than them.