Continuing, I had been reading a Joyce Myers book entitled “Living Beyond Your Feelings” for some time and if you have a chance you should pick up a copy and read it too. I remember getting into chapter two and seeing myself for the first time. I had been extra emotional. Extra broke. Extra broken and extra disobedient to God, all not good things to be extra at. I saw exactly where I was broken. I responded to the hurt the relationship caused by trying to fix him. It was not my job to fix him, I just needed to fix myself and he would have been touched by the way that I loved him. Whether that was me reaping the benefits of that labor or not, sometimes you love people for the next person and we have to learn to be ok with that.
Moreover, I am ashamed that I failed myself. I didn't yield to God when he told me to walk away, because it was easy to place my short comings in the hands of another. I am a firm believer in love not being possession, it is to be free, it is to grow. If I were to talk about love not being possessive it was wrong of me to try to impose that on him because he was not yet ready or had not yet had love revealed on the level that I have. It was not my right to force him there. It doesn't mean I should have stayed and taken it, but it was my job to fix myself.
It is one thing to not know the problem and it's a whole another thing to know and refuse to fix it. When you know what's wrong with yourself you have a moral obligation to fix it. Behaving the way I did was exactly what I needed and I'm thankful because now I know what was wrong and could fix the thing that was keeping me from the desires of my heart.
THE E IN LOVE -CONTINUED